Leo: Turbulent and unexpected month ahead.. Damn right!

Some guy is gonna come to "see"me today.
And there's nothing I can do about it other than refuse to serve him tea (or any other beverage).

I've had a million fights with my mum about this of course.
It's become a routine now, she starts talking about a guy who seems "marriage material" and I get irritated and then we're off.

" Ma will you please leave me alone. I can make my own decisions."

"You're not getting any younger, ALL of your friends are married and some even have kids. What about you? How do you plan on living by yourself? You'll be singled out, you'll be all alone. You can't live like that, what will I tell everyone else when they ask me why you're still single, it is unheard of in our family, I cannot bear to talk to anyone now, everyone is asking me why I'm not getting you married off... "

I'm a disgrace to my family. Being 25 and unmarried is the worst thing that could happen to a girl apprently.

Sigh!

I've explained it to her a million times already! I can't do this.

But she still nags, worries and keeps surfing matrimonial sites.
And now they want me to meet this guy tonight.

I DON'T WANT TO MEET ANYONE LIKE THIS!

I can't explain why, cos I know that a lot of people meet this way and get married and they're fine or whatever. But when anyone tries to set me up like this, it depresses me.
I know that "everyone else does it"and that "it's not such a big deal" but it IS a big deal for ME.

Cos this is not what I want. I'm not really sure what I want, but it's not this.
I'm feeling irritated, worried, angry, alone, and so damn depressed.

I need a break. I neeed to take a break off of all this and just get up and go somewhere where my parents won't keep nagging me like this. I need to clear my head a bit.

I think I'm gonna ask my boss for a week off and go to India and be with my friends.
Let's see.

Unexpected

I don't care for football. And I usually steer clear of astrologers.

But I happened to listen to this show on the radio where they have weekly horoscopes and predictions based on numerology. Apparently, this is a turbulent time for everyone in general and a lot of expect the unexpected-ness could be expected.

They also proved how, numerologically, Brazil should win the world cup this year.

So gullible me ( see this is why I steer clear of astrology, I believe too easily!) ended up betting with my dad (who is a football freak) and now I need to treat my family to lunch at Chili's.
If this is the beginning of this unexpected and turbulent month, then I'm screwed!

Nothing

I had needed a break from blogging.

But now, the blog seems to not want me back.
I had put all my posts in draft mode, but now... they've all disappeared. I've got NOTHING in my list. More than a 100 odd posts and now there's nothing left. It's gotten deleted somehow.

I've been blogging since July 2003, it's been 3 years, and now I have nothing left.

If Only...

If only i didn't keep hoping.
If only i didn't believe in wishes coming true
If only i could just accept...

then i could have given up.
i could have given in.

Happy Birthday Ma!

I hate furniture shopping. Especially with my mum. She is just not capable of making up her mind!
And she insists on dragging me and dad along all the time. Now dad grumbles a lot and manages to get out of it most of the time, but if I say something, she’ll start blackmailing me with how she’s not there just to cook and clean, she needs love and furniture-shopping-companion too!
It’s usually just easier (on my nerves) to go along with her.

It was my mum’s birthday on the 11th.
Last time we’d gone to Ikea, we saw this sofa, and she said she liked it, but she thought it too expensive.
So I thought I’d get that one for her birthday as a surprise. Not only would she get her sofa, I’d never have to go sofa shopping again for a long time! Two birds with one stone and all that!

So I went off by myself (on the evening of the 10th), bought the sofa (2 + 3 seater), lugged it back home, assembled the two seater and showed it to her, and she didn’t like it! (She also didn’t remember ever having seen it before) Of course she didn’t say it out straight that she didn’t like it! She hemmed and hawed about how it was too light and would get dirty soon, and about how the arm rest was a “bit too thin” and stuff.
Then she suggested returning it.
Sigh! Returning it would be such a pain! But I had no choice.

The next day, I called up Ikea, and they told me that they cannot take anything that’s been assembled, but they’re willing to take back the ones we didn’t open.
But my mum wudn’t listen (apparently, a bazillion years ago the neighbours had been able to return something that they bought from Ikea. So the policies should remain the SAME of course, and they “would surely take it back since we bought it just yesterday!”)

So her bday was spent lugging the sofas back to Ikea and pleading with them to take back the 2 seater as well.
Obviously Ikea, just like on the phone, apologized a lot but did not take it back.
And mum was okay with that! Cos otherwise, she’d had “kept thinking that they would have taken it back if only we’d tried"
!!!

She’s my mum and I love her,sure.
But she drives me crazzzzzzzy!

I feel...

...restless, uneasy, anxious, worried, nervous, fidgety, confused,irritated, bored, boring, alone, lonely, angry, helpless, scared,cornered, wistful, sad, emotional...

pretty fucking awful.

Food for the soul

I woke up in the morning with the song Teri Deewani by Kailash Kher in my head.
It was just 6 am.
I tried singing it.
Then I felt like I needed to hear it RIGHT THEN!
So I went online and got the song and played it on endless loop for hours.

tere naam se jee loon
tere naam se marr jaaun
teri jaan ke sadke mein kuchh aaisa kar jaaun
tune kya kar dala marr gayi main mitt gayi main ho ri ha ri ho gayi main
teri deewani

Sighhhhh!! How beautiful is that huh!
I cannot even begin to describe what I feel when I hear this song.

It is so overwhelming, the feeling that washes over me.... it reinforces my faith in all that I believe in.
It makes me happy and sad and gives me hope and makes me feel helpless all at the same time.
Siiiiigh!
Somebody hand me a margarita!