Dead tired, but alive.

I'm tired.
I had a pretty...err... eventful day.

I had an accident on the Emirates Road.

Now whoever lives in the UAE will know that this road is one of the worst roads ever for anyone to have an accident. The only other road which can compare is the Shk Zayed Rd. The accidents that take place here (in dubai) are so bad that they actually have a dedicated column in the papers called "Crash of the Week" where they write about how many people have died so far this year and show a pic of the worst crash of the week. Most of them take place on these two roads.
That's Dubai for you!
The Land of Accidents.

So I guess I was lucky that nothing serious happened.
It was my mistake, and it was such a stupid mistake that I'm not gonna tell you how it happened. and NO, I was not speeding!
(excuse me a min, this is for the person who knows how it happened. STOP GRINNING!)

ok, where were we?

Ah yes, stuck on the Emirates Rd. I hit this minibus containing a load of men on their way to the airport. They were very sweet about it even though I was such a dumbass.
I kept apologizing and they said "no worries madam, it's ok, it happens..." !!!

I called the cops. They came soon enough and smiled at me ( policemen here are real polite)
"How are you today ?"
me:(smiling and putting on best helpless-weak-woman look) : Not so good officer!
Police: what happened? Are you okay?
Me: I feel so stupid officer, you won't believe what I did. I... ( no. I really won't tell you)
police( grinning and thoroughly enjoying themselves) : oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of people.

My car was kinda damaged though the bus was fine. The radiator broke and there was coolant all over the place.
The police apologized (several times) for having to fine me ( honest!) and they said it was part of the procedure. They were very helpful, they called a tow truck and arranged to have someone come and pick up the car. The bus left. The police stood there awhile, and then I got tired of acting helpless so I told them I'll be fine and they left.

My manager lives close to my place, so he picked me up on his way back and I got home about two and a half hours late feeling extremely tired and drained out.

Standing there waiting for the tow-truck and my manager to come was the most awful part.
Cos this is the highway, nothing but desert on all sides and vehicles zooming by at 140 kmph.
At one point of time, this land cruiser came and stopped a few feet away from me and asked me if I needed help. I just shook my head and prayed that they would just leave! Thankfully, they left. Dubai isn't as safe as it portrays itself to be.

Joe ( my car) is gonna be out of action for a few days.
So my weekend is ruined as well. I've got two tickets to the 101.6 ( local radio station) ka Wild Wadi party tomm night. I have no way to get there and no one to go with anyway.
Sigh! what a sad turn of events!

But seriously though, I'm only thankful that things were so much better than it could have been.

I'm lucky I guess, in a weird sorta way.

Help!!!!!

I'm swamped with work! I've got a million emails I need to reply to ( yes, that's what my job is about - replying to emails. my incentives depend on clearing my inbox! *kidddding* )

I didn't go to office today, had to attend a training in DIC ( dubai internet city) at our vendor's office. It was the worst, most boring presentation ever! Staying awake has never been so tough.

And I have another crap thing to attend tomm too. Sigh! I'll be at the Marriot all day. I hope the food is better there than at the DIC. They had the crappiest food! Stuffed vine leaves sound exotic, and taste like .... I dunno, neem leaves or something. Judging by the look of the people around me, I'm sure I must have made some weird faces while trying to eat it. They had a load of other crap too. It's nothing to blog about.

I hate these affairs where people pretend to listen to bigwigs speak about the most boring things in the world while all everyone else seems to be bothered only about 'networking' and creating new 'contacts'. Everyone excluding me of course. I, being the absent-minded genius that I am, left my business cards safely in my drawer at work right next to this cute little beanie and a pack of stapler pins. So I grinned sheepishly and carried around a wad of tissues to write my number down.
Errr, that last bit isn't true of course.

Anyway, it's late, and I have a full day tomorrow since I have to go to work again after the marriot thing. I hope the presentation isn't gonna be as boring as it was today!
Wish I could buy those Puking Pastilles I read about in Harry Potter somewhere!

Same old topic!

Weddings to attend:

1. August 18th - family friend and school mate's wedding.
2. August 20th- College friend's marriage
Also August 20th- I turn 25. ( I doubt my family will celebrate)
3. Auguest 29th- Another college friend's marriage
4. Sept sometime- ex-boyfriend plans to elope with his girlfriend. (No, I'm not going for this one)
4. Dec sometime - family friend's marriage who is a year younger to me.

Dunno if i'll have to add onto that, but the way things are going, I may not have a single friend left. Oh wait, I don't! (online friends don't count, I can't point at their IM window and tell my mum, see, HE'S still not married!)

It's kinda depressing when your parents look at like you like an unfinished chore.

But what am I supposed to do huh?
My mum comes up to me and says "5"8, software engineer, UK-based, salary- $$$% p.a., mum - retired lecturer, dad- banker, are you interested?"

What the hell am I supposed to say to that huh?

If someone tells me "your time will come" or some such shit I'll ...I'll... I dunno, scream with frustration (again) I guess.

I mean, this state of not being married is not a disease you know.
But with the way everyone's going on about it, it's completely depressing.

It's not like I don't wanna get married, I do!
But for the right reasons ( like love).
But cos everyone round me is running round tying the knot, I'm feeling all left out and depressed and I'm beginning to feel like everyone else is right, that there won't be ( worse, there isn't) anyone who would wanna marry me.

God! What the fuck is gonna happen to me?!

Tired of waiting

You go through life thinking you’re fine. You’ve ‘moved on’.
Of course, things aren’t easy. But that’s life ain’t it?
Nobody said it was gonna be easy.

And you’re fine, really!
You’ve made your mistakes and hopefully learnt your lessons.

Pure pure joy in the beginning- joy, hope, and love; followed by inconsolable grief, anger, bitterness…
Is it all worth-it?

Some say it is.
They say it’s better to have loved and lost.
As time goes by the hatred turns to bitterness, then you learn to accept. The memories don’t hurt so much anymore.

They say if you haven’t loved, then you haven’t lived.
So tell me then- is this life?
This… semblance of normalcy that fools you for some time, until that thin veil of self-deceit breaks.
Broken by the simplest of things.
Like hearing a silly song on the radio that make your eyes brim with tears all over again.
The tears that was supposed to have already fallen.

Didn’t you think he wasn’t worth crying for?
Oh but he isn’t.
You don’t care about him. (thank God for small mercies)
It’s not him that you’re crying for.
It’s you.

For the hope that has died. For the cynicism that has taken its place.
For the trust that has been broken.
For the person you have become.

But it’s all good.
You go on, telling yourself that it’s all a test.

The heart is broken, but the spirit lives on.
But why though?

That’s what I wanna know.

Someone tell me why. Cos I’m tired of waiting for an answer.

On the Prowl?

P is my colleague from work. This is the conversation I had with him today:

P: So Sonia, are you married?
Me: Nope.
P: Ah, so you can join R in the man-hunt. She’s unmarried too!
Me: Err… you have to hunt?
P: Of course, gone are the days when proposals come raining down. Now, a person will have to hunt for a partner.
Me: I don’t want to.
P: Why not?
Me: Not interested.
P: Why, scared of the responsibility of family life, of having kids and being responsible?
Me: No, not interested in “hunting”.

Someone please tell me what he said is not true!
I’m not a hunter and can never be one.

Lost

I'm feeling so lost...

That's about it really.

Good News?

Where do I start?
There is just too much happening.

I guess mainly, two things have happend.
One- I got a new job.
Two- I quit my old job.

This second one will obviously follow the first, but it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Not because I liked my old job or the people there, but because I loathed them!

I hated my manager, she was a cunning, exploiting B****. And being civil to her everyday for 8 hours was wearing me down.
And quitting on a good note was VERY tough. I smiled till the very end, and so did she ( to her credit) but it was all very nerve-racking and exhausting. So thank God that's over!

I have till the 20th before I start with my new job.

I guess I should be happy. But I'm not really.
I was relieved when I got the job. Cos that meant i could quit the old job. But this new one is a very good job.
Which is good.

But I'm scared really.

I have a week till I join the new job. So you can say that I'm on a vacation of sorts. And I want to go to India. I want to see my friends and visit all the places I used to frequent.
But of course, my parents won't let me go.

And that is what scares me. I've got this terrific new job. Which means I'm kinda settling down here. Here, in Dubai, where I can't go anywhere without getting "premission" from my parents. Here, in this gold cage of sorts.

I've lost my freedom. And I don't see anything I can do to get it back, short of getting married. And really, that's not a reason to get married is it?

I feel all alone.