broken.

And to think i thought things were getting better.
What a stupid optimistic fool i am!
Pretending like it didn't matter, everything's "fine".
Hah!

It really isn't anyone's fault.
No no.
me. That's where the problem lies.

Always wanting, hoping, wishing... when clearly, none of those were meant for me!
You'd think i'd have learnt my lesson by now!

But the heart. it can't be helped.
Some things were just meant to be.
Broken.

Best Invitation Ever!

When I opened my inbox at work on Sunday, I found this mail from my friend at work. He's getting married this Thursday.

Sun… (means listen in Hindi)

Mehendi on Tuesday evening..
Pitti, my place.. on Wednesday. (Somebody please tell me what Pitti is. He went on about some egg fight??!!)
Nikah on Thursday. Around 7 ish- 8.
Reception on Friday.

Be there!

I've never been to a North Indian wedding before! I'm so excited!
Err... he was kidding about the egg fight, right?!

Apparently, I must marry him

You must marry him.
Dad, I don't like him.

(I don't like anybody who tells me that my mother is right about the fact that this is the right time for me to get married cos otherwise I "will be in trouble" and that "we are Indians, moreover Keralites", and that we are "bound by our culture".

He is educated, good looking, and working as a researcher in Germany. What else do you want?
(Someone who doesn't think that I am bound by my culture perhaps? ) I don't like him daddy, I don't want to get married to him.

What are your intentions? I'm grwing old, I'm sick of people asking me why you are not getting married... you know the drill.

God help me!

If it's not one thing, it's another

This great trip of mine is riddled with issues.
The main one being that I haven't yet told my folks about it!

If they knew I was spending this much money in a week to "take a break", especially to a place where hundreds of people only recently died of bomb attacks by terrorists, they would probably lock me up and throw away the key!

I've been advised to tell that I'm going on a business trip. Which is pretty believable since I actually deal with the Indian subcontinent as far as work is concerned.

But I suck at lying to mum.
She gives me 'the Look' that all Mums seem to be so good at, the one that makes you feel like every single thought in your head is written in Bold Arial size 72 on your face! :o(
I just give up and end up telling her the truth usually.

But then I imagine telling them the truth and I can see my mum's face break into tears and my dad going all stony faced and angry... followed by them yelling that I will do "no such thing".
On how I am a Keralite and a girl and why can't I be more like other girls and get married to the nice researcher in Germany ( who is boring as hell, trust me!)

That's just the parents.

Bombay itself, is proving to be tricky.

Ah well, one problem at a time I guess.

Family Ties

There's this friend of mine at work.
She's a Muslim and she's in love with a Hindu guy.
Her parents don't approve. ( of course! So what else is new!)

She's 25 years old, and the man she's in love with is 27. They're both working, and they're both of sound mind and body and perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

But they can't marry unless her parents agree.
Why?
Cos of the law. Indian law.
Apparently, as long as a person is an NRI and under the sponsership of his or her parents, then they will require a no-objection letter of the parents in order to get married. Even if they are in India.

The guy in question is under his employer's sponsership, but the girl is sponsered by her father. (fyi, the guy's parents are actually okay with the girl and have actually agreed to try and talk to her parents to get them to agree. But her parents aren't exactly the kind who'll listen.)
She cannot change her sponsership unless her present sponser (her father) agrees to it.
So she's stuck and has no idea what to do.


Did I mention her parents have hidden her passport?

Freakin out

Sometimes you won't know why you're upset.
You just know you are.

It's like your subconscious state of mind understands what is wrong and you react emotionally to it, but you're not really aware what it is that upsets you so much till much later.

It's like that for me now.
I'm confused and upset and close to freaking out.

I need to clear my head. and the only one I know who can make sense and calm me down is my N, my best friend.

So I've decided.
I'm going to India, for a verrrry short break. But a break, nonetheless.

And till then, I'll just keep praying.

Everyday

I die a little everyday,
And at the end of it,
wish I had lived a bit instead.