Thursday, April 20, 2006

Tired of waiting

You go through life thinking you’re fine. You’ve ‘moved on’.
Of course, things aren’t easy. But that’s life ain’t it?
Nobody said it was gonna be easy.

And you’re fine, really!
You’ve made your mistakes and hopefully learnt your lessons.

Pure pure joy in the beginning- joy, hope, and love; followed by inconsolable grief, anger, bitterness…
Is it all worth-it?

Some say it is.
They say it’s better to have loved and lost.
As time goes by the hatred turns to bitterness, then you learn to accept. The memories don’t hurt so much anymore.

They say if you haven’t loved, then you haven’t lived.
So tell me then- is this life?
This… semblance of normalcy that fools you for some time, until that thin veil of self-deceit breaks.
Broken by the simplest of things.
Like hearing a silly song on the radio that make your eyes brim with tears all over again.
The tears that was supposed to have already fallen.

Didn’t you think he wasn’t worth crying for?
Oh but he isn’t.
You don’t care about him. (thank God for small mercies)
It’s not him that you’re crying for.
It’s you.

For the hope that has died. For the cynicism that has taken its place.
For the trust that has been broken.
For the person you have become.

But it’s all good.
You go on, telling yourself that it’s all a test.

The heart is broken, but the spirit lives on.
But why though?

That’s what I wanna know.

Someone tell me why. Cos I’m tired of waiting for an answer.


First Rain said...

I just want to cry now, but sometimes even that is a luxury.

Abdul Bijur V.A. said...

entammooo ... njan desp aayi! :)

get over it!!

indianpeppone said...

Now mayb u might agree with ur parents that arranged marriages are better after all!!! :-)
Buck up gal... today is the weekend...after a couple of drinks everything will start to look better :D

Seema said...

Sonia...this song comes to me mind reading the post...

juda hoke bhi
tu mujh mein kahi baaki hain
palkon mein banke aansoon
tu chali aati hain

sabhi raatein hain
sabhi baatein hain
sabhi kaatein hain
bhula do unhay
mita do unhay

ab to aadat si hai mujhko
aise jeene mein

Take care pal...

Lost in trance... said...

its all a bit confusing, really!

i think u havent really gotten over it, which is understandable. coz iv been there.

the only difference is i'd ended up aching n yearning for more.

"For the hope that has died. For the cynicism that has taken its place.
For the trust that has been broken."

there. dontyu think u have it, right there? but then its ok too. coz THIS is life. u never EVER kno wats around that corner. *trust me on this*. chin up gal.

*one tite hug*

hope and love said...

hmmm.. a part of u dies.. its so sad.. u have not healed yet..
but life has to go on.. here are some tips..

by Mary Guindon
Sooner or later it happens to us all. The love of our life decides it's just not going to work out and takes off, leaving us feeling shattered, unlovable, abandoned, and very much alone. When it happens to you, you may believe your life can never again be the same. The pain is excruciating.
What to do? Time, of course, will make a big difference. As you gain distance from the breakup you gain perspective. Realize you will heal and give yourself time. Recognize also that you will heal at your own pace, not someone else's.
That's little consolation, however, when the wound is new and the ache immense. Here are ten practical tips to help you get through this period:
1. Recognize this as a loss. That means you will mourn. That's natural and inevitable. Don't beat yourself up for being sad or angry. No need for guilt.
2. Acknowledge that the day will come when you will get better. When you have the flu, you know it won't last forever. Think of this pain as a flu of the heart. It's going to go away, too.
3. Take care of yourself physically. Get lots of rest but don't languish in bed. Be sure to exercise. Eat well but keep your nutritional levels adequate. This is not the time to junk out nor is it the time for stringent dieting.
4. Put structure in your life. Stick to your regular schedule as much as possible during the week. Make plans for evenings, weekends and holidays.
5. Realize you really aren't alone. Seek the support of others. There's nothing to be ashamed about. It's okay to accept comforting. But don't wallow in repeated story telling. Instead, do something for someone else.
6. Invest your energies in life. Surround yourself with things that are alive: plants, pets, and kids. Nurturing others is a fantastic way to nurture yourself.
7. Be aware of the rebound. This is not the time to rekindle old, failed relationships. Nor is it the time to start a new one. You need time to get to know yourself.
8. Do make a new start. Develop a new interest or rediscover an old one. Take a class at the community college, pick up that craft project gathering dust, go on a tour, even if it's in your own town.
9. Forgive your ex-lover. Forgive yourself. Celebrate the good in the relationship but don't hold on to mementos from it. They can keep you stuck. Honor what you had, then let it go. Burn, bury, throw out, give away those reminders. Don't go out of your way to revisit those special places.
10. Reaffirm yourself. You have value as a person. Be gentle with yourself. Your life is well worth living. Anticipate a positive outcome and accentuate your positives. Learn from this experience and evaluate your own growth. Take stock and make realistic adjustments where you need to.
One day soon you will be able to commend yourself for your courage and your survival. You made it!
hugs and love..

Sonia said...

FR: i read your post too. *hugs*

Abdul: sure. *snap snap* it's all over. i'm on top of the world now.

indianpeppone: i don't drink every weekend. and i still don't agree that my parents views on arranged marriages are better.

Seema: that's a nice song.

Lost in Trance: yeah. i'm sure you're right.

hope and love: you totally don't get it. but thanks for your concerns.