Friday, September 29, 2006


I've always been impatient.
Always restless, always wanting things to happen now, cos hello! I'm ready.
I guess the Higher powers had other plans.

I guess that's why I'm being made to wait.
I'm being made to learn the art of patience.

That's fine. Cos I've finally understood that I do need to learn.
I've accepted it.
And that makes me feel a lot more calmer than I have in a long time.

All this time I've been praying to God to PLEASE make something happen.
To change the way things are.

Now, whenever I pray, I pray for patience.
It's not easy.
It's not easy to feel like praying for it.

But things are meant to happen at their own pace.
And I'm gonna try to be okay with it.

Waqt ne kiya, kya haseen sitam
Tum rahe na tum, hum rahe na hum

Waqt.... let's see.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

hooked on you.

You're in my thoughts, always.
And I'm sick of it.

I've tried to stop, I really have.
But how can I stop thinking of you?

I was better off alone.
I never asked for you to come into my life. I never did anything.
It was you.
You started it all.

I wonder if you even remember.
I wonder if ever you go back and remember how it used to be.

We used to be able to talk so easily, and now the silence is just unbearable. for me.

I wish you would at least end it and let me be.

I never had you. So why do you have me, soul and all?
Let me go.

It's only fair.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

baavra mann dekhe chala ek sapna...

A few days ago the radio had a very interesting topic of discussion.

What was/is your reason to get married?

Now I've always felt that hardly annyone I know got married for love.
Most of the people I know got married for convenience.
The right age, parental pressure, dowry, money, broken heart (so instead of affair on the rebound it becomes a marriage on the rebound) etc etc.

There was this one lady who came on air who was hilarious.
Here's her explanation to why she got married:

I'm not very smart. I was not a very good student and my husband is a verrry intelligent man. I wanted my children to be smart, so when he asked me ( over the internet) whether I would "clean his house forever", I said yes. I hope my husband is not listening to this, cos when he asked me I told him I loved him! *laughs*
And now I have a daugther and I think she is very intelligent, so I am happy.

Well, I guess whatever works huh?!

There was this other guy who wanted to adopt babies and he wanted a mother for his children, so he went looking for a woman who would understand that he never wanted children of their own and that he wanted to get married solely to adopt! He found one, they got married and adopted a girl.
Apparently, they're very happy together.

What I cannot believe is that people out there with such weird requirements end up finding partners who fit the bill, and here I can't find one who wants to marry for the simplest reason of all. Love!

Although I must say, recently, I've had the good fortune of meeting a lot of couples ( young and old) who has gotten married for love. Most of the people I know from work got married for love. And it seems to be working out well for them too!

This colleague was telling me about how he met his wife in college. ( This was wayy back in the 80's.) He's from Iran btw.

She is a very good driver. And she was famous in college for her crazy driving.
I used to hate her then, but then I didn't know her. I was just jealous.
One day, I went up to her and challenged her to a race.
She agreed.

We started racing, and I knew she was going to win ( to all the men reading this, don't be skeptical. There are women out there who are really good drivers!)
So I cheated. I went over to the other side of the road... (At this point I'm thinking "Yeah right!" The other side, which means on a one-way road, he was travelling in the opposite direction! But you must remember, this was Iran in the 80's. It wasn't exactly Sheikh Zayed Rd. And he didn't sound like he was lying)

... and that's how I won. When she got out of the car, she told me I'm crazy, and I told her "Hey! I had to win!"
That's how we became friends. And now we've been together for what.. (he stops to count) 16 years now!

And from the smile on his face, I can make out that he's happy and still in love.
So no, it's not a Hollywood fabrication. It does exist apparently.

Since I'm talking about luhhve and matters of the heart, I'm gonna sign off with a song that has been driving me crazzzy ever since I first heard it in Bombay. I listen to it on endless loop allll the time I can, hum it throughout work and once even woke up with the song in my head and rushed to the computer to hear it first thing.
And NO, I'm not in love.

kyun aajkal neend kam khwaab jyada hai
lagta khuda ka koi nek iraada hain
kal ka fakir aaj dil shehzada hain
lagta khuda ka koi nek iraada hain
kya mujhe pyar hain...

I love these lines, the way he sings them.

... dekho jahaan mein neele neele aasmaan tale
rang naye naye hain jaise ghulte hue
soye the khwaab mere jaage tere waas-te
tere khayaalon se hai bheege mere raas-te

kya mujhe pyar hain...

Passion! I'm a sucker for it.

Monday, September 18, 2006

On Love

Know what I miss the most?
I miss not being able to share the little things.

Having someone to talk to about nothing in particular.
Arguing about books and stories and movies and all the rest of it.
Being held by the waist while walking.
Watching a movie together.
Being hugged.

I miss being in love.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Bombay Thing.

No, I've not had enough.

It's funny, though I was staying with N the whole time, but we didn't really talk talk till the last day. That too, at 2 am.
Lots of tears and hugs later, we watched the climax scene of Raja which was playing on some channel. :o) Nothing like watching a crappy movie to make you feel better!

I also met the blogger Mr. Busybee on my last day there. (no that's not his id)
We met at Shopper's Stop. I was there early and was checking out some of the clothes when he came up. The guy thinks I'm fat .(He thought the kurta I chose was too small for me. Hmph!) :o(

He also said that I'm gonna have an extra-marital affair (apparently, he's an amateur palmist). I've been told (by others who've read my palm) that I will have two relationships in my life, and the second one will be the "intense" one.
This was told to me when I was seeing the rebound guy, and I was told that that relationship won't even show up on my palm cos it was of no consequence at all. (funny how that turned out to be right! )
So there's only one more love-of-my-life left.
Me! extra-marital affair! Hah! And here I'm doubting I'll even get married!

I was supposed to meet another blogger as well, but he couldn't make it to Bombay ( he was in Delhi at the time).

I went to Mahim Church on a Wednesday(which is the special day to go there) but I couldn't really pray. My heart just wasn't in it. But then I got back and realised what I really wanted to pray for.
I thought I'd go to the Haji Ali to make my wish (apparently, if you go there on a Friday and make a wish, it'll come true) . But that didn't happen either. So my wish is gonna have to wait till next time I guess.

I travelled on the local trains too. N took me to the station, made me get into one of the compartments that was pacccked with people, and while hanging on for dear life, she screams to me "you wanted to see Bombay right? This is Bombay! "
Crazy woman!

And Bombay.
How do I explain?
How can I even begin to tell you how it feels? How can I explain the madness, the passion, the struggle for survival, the intensity of emotions... It has to be experienced.
You will be disgusted. You will be overwhelmed. You will be amazed.
But you just can't have enough of it.

There is nothing mild or understated about Bombay.
Love. Hate. Kill. Die. Live.
Life happens too fast to contemplate, to think, to even sit down and cry.

So I was pretty detached from the whole thing. You see, I kept my pace. N would take me to the station and she'd be hurrying to catch the train.
"N, slow down! What's the hurry?"
She looks back at me and says "Look around you. How can you not hurry?!"

Bombay happened in a haze. As did Pune.

I didn't want to leave.
No, actually, I didn't want to come back here.

But back I am. I'm already waiting for my next trip to India.

And maybe next time, it might be a one-way ticket. (and God, if you're listening, it should be on my terms pliss! Not like I'm being deported for flipping off the sheikh or anything! )

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I've decided to let go of you.

You don't need me. I knew that.
But you don't want me either.
And I was kinda hoping you would.

Fucking hope.
Gets me all the time.

Friday, September 08, 2006

My angel

No. I won't allow it. You will not.
You will leave her alone.
You'll have to kill me first.
And you'll have to kill her to get to me.

So there.

You can fuck off now.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Khaali paimaana hai tera, ho sake to tod de tu

Didn't know what it meant.
But now that I do, I think this is what I need to do.

But no, the mind... the heart... it likes to suffer.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Salaam Bombay

So I'm back.

I've only been away a little over a week. But it seems like a whole lifetime ago.
Bombay does that to you I guess.

Crazy city.
I hate, I love, I feel disgusted and fascinated and overwhelmed and...

I'm hooked.

I wanna go back.