Monday, January 30, 2006

Not for me

Ok, I can't do it. I thought I could, but really, I can't!
I tried. Can't do it.

I can't even bring myself to dress up in a sari and take a photo. Forget dressing up and getting married!

Arranged marriages are great maybe, but they're not for me.

I was plotting my escape before I even realised it.
I can go back to Delhi. I'm a smart, hard-working person and I have friends who can help me out. So I can get a job there. I'll leave.

I'm feeling so much better now that I've decided.
I'll tell them nicely to leave me alone as far as marriage is concerned.
If they don't listen, then I'll leave.

But I don't wanna leave really. Not yet.
I want to be with my sister for awhile.
I left when she was 10, and now she's 17. We've just begun to get to know each other and love each other again. I want to be there for her.

And I'm just beginning to discover a Dubai that I hadn't even known existed. I want to see more of that. I was living a protected life here, knowing nothing and consequently, learning nothing.
But now it's different, and I like it.

I will leave if I have to.
I just hope it doesn't come to that.

Monday, January 23, 2006

I miss...

I miss talking.
About me, and him, and Us, and Them.

I miss listening.
Listening to someone so that you understand them, understand the way they think, and feel.
Listening to them talking about their childhood, how they grew up to be who they are right now.

I miss feeling.
Feeling the warmth of a hug that comes from inside.
Feeling of belonging I used to feel when he used to hold me by the waist when we went for walks.

I miss... Love.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

I've never made new year resolutions ( except when I was a kid and first found out what the word meant after reading Enid Blyton's Mr. Twiddle. At the time I had made some dumb ones just to show off!)

This year though, for the first time, I felt I needed to actively do something to change and make my life better.
What with the heart-break-all-over-again and no freedom and no friends and pretty pathetic life of the last year, I needed to do something drastic.

So I resolved...

To do things I've never done before.

So far, this resolution has gone pretty well.

I've gone bowling, which, believe it or not, I hadn't tried till now! LOADS of fun! threw a lot of gutter balls in the beginning, but I'm getting pretty good at it!

Then I tried ice-skating. Now I already knew how to roller-skate, so I didn't fall down or anything. But although I could easily skate from one end of the rink to the other, I had a bit of trouble stopping! When I wanted to stop, somehow I just kept going round and round in circles and felt like I was gonna fall . so then I flapped my arms around like a dumb chicken and finally hit the edge of the rink and stopped! Not exactly graceful, but whatever works right?!

My sister considers herself to be a more experienced ice-skater than me, having done it exactly ONE time more than me ( which makes it TWO times altogether!). So she kept advising me on how to skate. But I already knew how to skate, I wanted to know how to stop, and she said "Chech, in the end you'll stop anyway!"
Some teacher huh?
Anyway, this guy at the rink showed me how to stop, but I still haven't mastered the T thing just yet.

Also ate from loads of new places. Dome Cafe has crap cold coffee! Made me miss Barista in Delhi! But AWESOME blueberry cheesecake! It simply melts in your mouth! Each bite was like little of bursts of sunshiny-happiness!

Also had a sip of pina colada from Seville's which tasted quite good. But since I was driving and all, I just restricted myself to one sip! Settled for lip-smacking mocktail. But I don't remember the name, some weird spanish thing. Cheesecake was disappointing. Food was pretty good.

Also ate from The Rupee Room at the Dubai Marina. Crap food! definitely not worth the charges. Don't go there.

Watched a lot of movies too. Noteworthy among them being Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Constant Gardener. Constant Gardener is a must-see kinda movie. Depressing though.

Kiss -Band has a story is as weak as the tea I used to get at my college-hostel, but the screen play is cool and the jokes are really funny AND witty!
But kinda macabre. There was this one scene (won't tell you which one and spoil the fun) where everyone in the cinema hall went Eeeeaaaargh!

Also got myself a LOT of books.