Monday, January 30, 2006

Not for me

Ok, I can't do it. I thought I could, but really, I can't!
I tried. Can't do it.

I can't even bring myself to dress up in a sari and take a photo. Forget dressing up and getting married!

Arranged marriages are great maybe, but they're not for me.

I was plotting my escape before I even realised it.
I can go back to Delhi. I'm a smart, hard-working person and I have friends who can help me out. So I can get a job there. I'll leave.

I'm feeling so much better now that I've decided.
I'll tell them nicely to leave me alone as far as marriage is concerned.
If they don't listen, then I'll leave.

But I don't wanna leave really. Not yet.
I want to be with my sister for awhile.
I left when she was 10, and now she's 17. We've just begun to get to know each other and love each other again. I want to be there for her.

And I'm just beginning to discover a Dubai that I hadn't even known existed. I want to see more of that. I was living a protected life here, knowing nothing and consequently, learning nothing.
But now it's different, and I like it.

I will leave if I have to.
I just hope it doesn't come to that.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought i commented abt this in my previous post. I guess I should just stick to stripshow comments and naked doodes.

n.g. said...

attagirl. both feet down, period. rock and roll. well done.

Anonymous said...

I just went through your profile. Now, let me tell you what kind of person you are. What I am going to say may not be true. Its all based on the kinds of movies you liked, the books you read and yeah, of course based on the articles too.

Relationship means a lot to you, you are an attention seeker. You can draw attention easily in a crowd coz you are proud, energetic and confidant. You hate to lose.
You spent a lot but you are not really comfortable in borrowing from friends. you are very particular about your looks,(one way of attention seeking).
Confinement inside four walls and under one roof can soon rob you of your sparkles. You must have your own career

I am sorry if I have been offensive

Give me your feedback- prathap.nair@gmail.com

fonzter said...

Isn't arranged marriage another phrase they have for a 'cold blooded murder!'

Arya said...

i hate being anon anymore. I am the first anon who posted in the first reply. ;-)

Sonia said...

arya: i appreciate the advice, and i do know that marriage is about adjusting and stuff. i am not against arranged marriages at all. i think it's a good thing too. but i can't do it. don't ask me why. but i can't! oh, i'm glad you're not anonymous anymore. don't know why you felt the need to be even!

nish: i sure hope so!

P.Nair: what did you do? swallow Linda Goodman's Sun Signs or something? and no, i didn't find you offensive, just funny. i hope you feel the same way!

fontzer: i don't think it's that bad really. i know loads of arranged marriages that worked. i just can't bring myself to accept it though.

First Rain said...

Hugs! Here's to fighting for a better life. All of us deserve the chance to choose our own. I'll pray that your parents listen to what you tell them, not just hear... but really listen.

Mind Curry said...

even i really cant understand this fixation on marriage. and the funny thing about arranged marriage is that its a backward process - they first see if the grand parents were "royal" , family is "ancient" - related to apes?, parents are well-to-do, uncles are famous..blah blah..and then coming to the least important points like the girls education, looks and so on..and sadly, the thing that matter least is what sort of a person she is and what she wants..or for that matter what the guy wants..how they will get together..but then marriage is a compromise! we dont need to know all that! do we!! anyway, i wont say that arrange marriages wont work, or love marriages will. all i can say is marriage is a personal choice. it is not just a public function or a social standard. so dont crumble in front of pressure - most of the times its bloody pesky relatives that do more damage. have your own convictions, and do what you feel is right. like my mom told me, "when nobody is there for you, God will be there". so pray and just believe in yourself.

Anonymous said...

if you can't do it, then you are not ready. But it doesn't mean you should 'never' do it. You should. You will be thankful once you have gone through it. It may require some adjustments, but it is nevertheless very rewarding ;-)

Arya.

P.S.
It was easier to comment as anon (i.e. don't have to log in all the time)

Lost in trance... said...

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

and then she disappears *sigh*

Sonia said...

FR: sigh! you fight for a better life, and the fighting makes life more miserable! but you gotta do wat you gotta do! my folks are not that bad really, they'll leave it to me. but they are so worried about me not being married all of the time that i feel bad for them.

mind curry: i'm praying. it's pretty much all i can do now.

arya: i agree! but i need time. and at 24, time is what you don't have if you're a mallu girl. btw, it's totally unfair that i'm not allowed to read your blog!

Lost in Trance: *hugs* and thank you! :o)

anonymous: who?? where? WHAT are you (whover you are) talking about?!

jaguu said...

:)

Totally Understand how you are feeling. Just getting over an arguement with mom & my Brother in Law ( who by the way is my best friend from the "chaddi"days ).Their point..J.. You are 29 and we are gonna find you bride. I totally dont understand how I would ever be able to live with someone who I have never met or dont know. I know they do say Marriages is between two families but come on what about the hapiness of the two central characters in this whole arranged marriage drama . I know its tougher for your girls then us guys. Be strong & follow your instincts liek I am doing now.God Bless...

Anonymous said...

Sonia: 24 is not that old. I am sure you can push thru in singledom a couple more years ;-). But please do take this opportunity to get accustomed to our (read *mallu*) ways.

It is not really that bad. On the contrary, I would say it is more rewarding than anything else. Having experienced both cultural divides, I hope I can confidentally say so.

Arya.
My blogspot blog was redundant ages ago.

xpat00 said...

ok, first of all, me a dubaiian! .. been here for 25 years (so at lease 25 years of age .. slightly older than you!?) .. i like women, 16 to 60, and enjoy their company .. so if u arrange for me to marry some such, why not? .. after all, i spend every day more than 9 hours at work, 8 hours sleeping, 3 hours in eating (3 meals), traffic jams, doing personal chores, dressing up, reading, etc. that leaves me 4 hrs a day .. why not enjoy those with people i like, viz women, 16 to 60 (incl mom, sis n "arranged" wife) - doing some adjustments to make them feel happy too??? .. simple math, right?
.. that's for me .. for you, you gotta live with "his" family, so why not check out "his" family history before nodding 'yes' to arrangers?? .. huh?

sinusoidally said...

It is great that you have an alternate plan rather than succumbing to something you do not want to do. We need more girls like you.

:-)

Dewaker Basnet said...

Only if things could run the way we wanted it to:)
life's such a sweet irony sonia.
keep the faith:)

Anonymous said...

May each member of your family infuse the spirit of understanding, forbearance and affection for one another. Keep quarrels, bitterness and pettiness afar and for their occasional failures, instil forgiveness and peace.

May the mutual understanding and affection of parents be a source of loving obedience and discipline, may their chastity and fidelity be an inspiration to you as the child. May you instil such self respect that you respect others, obey your parents and those in authority. May you grow in mature independence, with tender joys of friendship and love.

Make the mutual affection and respect of families, a sign of your family life from hereon.

Arya said...

100 Years

I'm 15 for a moment,
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming,
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment,
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire,
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live...

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they;
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high,
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this,
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

When you only got 100 years to live...

Anonymous said...

yeah, you are right. I do folllow Linda Goodman's Sun Signs and many more...may i am influnced a lot by them..
cheers!
p.nair