A while back, a friend of mine (F) told me he was going for salsa with his wife and the classes were a lot of fun so I should join in as well. I've wanted to learn salsa for yeaaaars now, but never quite got round to it. So I was very enthusiastic when he told me about it.
That was 3 weeks ago, but I never actually went.
First week, F didn't go for the class. So I didn't go either. I should have gone, I know. But I chickened out.
The next week, his wife fell down and hurt her leg. Which meant he'd be missing classes for some more time.
I badly wanted to go, but everytime I thought of going and making a fool of myself in front of a bunch of people, I'd make some excuse or the other to myself.
And giving excuses to yourself is awwwful. Cos you know the real reason. So today, I called up this girl from work (R) who was interested and made plans to go with her.
And then, I had another one of the (now regular) fights with my folks about marriage.
I keep telling them I'd find someone on my own, but they aren't willing to wait. (It's too late, you're too old, why would they marry you... my folks instill such confidence in me with their encouraging words that if I did find someone genuinely interested, I'd be surprised.)
Today it got down to What are you going to do if no one marries you? (note the choice of words? 'no one marries you'. Not 'if you don't get married' my folks are convinced that only a total nutcase would ever want to get married to me! )
I told them "then I'll live alone".
Afterwards, I got ready for salsa, went to pick up R and had just parked near her place when she called up to cancel cos she wasn't feeling well.
I got off the phone and just sat there, thinking.
I was terrified of the prospect of going alone. I had no partner to dance with, I didn't know how to dance (ok, I can, but I'm very conscious and feel awkward) and I was just .... a wuss.
How the hell was I going to live alone all my life if I couldn't even go for a dance class by myself?!
My friend(who knows about this i'll-do-it-later tendency of mine when it comes to salsa) kept telling me it's OK to be terrified.
(Said friend would not dance even if a gun was pointed to his head, fyi! :P
Truly though, he was the only person encouraging me with anything at that point of time and I'm really grateful for that!
K, u Rock! in a sober and sedate kinda way, but you do rock! )
He said "If you do it, you'll feel great"
I didn't know about that.
But what I knew was that if I didn't go, then I'd feel terrible about myself. And I wasn't going to make me feel terrible about myself as well. I had had enough of that from others.
So I went.
I was terrified, but I went.
And it was wonderful. I loved it.
I met a lot of fun people, and though I'm sure I danced badly, I had a LOT of fun doing it.
It's not that big a deal to join a dance class, I know. But I was terrified, I was alone and I was badly in need of confidence, which I knew I wasn't going to get from anyone but myself.
And I feel a lot better now.
So I'm learning.