Saturday, July 30, 2005

In Response to...

Everyone seems to have such fixed ideas about marriage and relationships. But the thing is, I don't think its fixed. It varies from person to person and relationship to relationship. Everyone has issues of their own, and we have to find someone who understands them and they can be compatible with, people who think similiarly. And its just plain lucky if you do!Cos you think you know a person, and then you see a side of them you never even knew existed. And you're like "What was I thinking??!"

I know loads of people (all of the them women though ) who are unmarried and happy and living full and complete lives, and I know married people (so many that it freaks me out)who are miserable, but just continue to live it like that out of convenience or cos they're scared of society and being on their own. I mean, who decides what is a complete life anyway? YOU do! Cos its YOUR damn life ain't it ?! Who cares if someone else thinks that getting married is the pits, maybe YOU wanna get married, cos you know that's how YOU will be happy. Or maybe you don't.

I KNEW that I would be happy being married when I had first fallen in love. How wrong was I! We had been friends for over three years. We didn't have to tell each other that we had fallen in love, we knew it already. But we hadn't said anything about it cos it was gonna be difficult. He being a Christian and me being a Hindu would make it VERY tough for our parents to accept us. But in the end we decided that we would try and convince our parents anyhow. Later, I find that he is the girlfriend-beating type. Well, He slapped me once and promised it wouldn't happen again. Why did I forgive him? Cos I still loved him! I know, stupid, but it happens a lot. We used to fight ALL the damn time! I was so sick of it, and he was too! Still later, his parents find out he chickens out.

We break up. I'm totally disillusioned obviously. I mean, I thought you meet someone and fall in love and that would be it. I had never felt so alone in all my life. I was all alone in Delhi, with no friends to speak of, no boyfriend and a broken heart. I couldn't run to my family, no way. When my mum came to know about my relationship, she had told me I was being stupid, and that he was a christian, and he will not be there when his parents find out. And I was so sure of myself, and him. I reassured her that that was bullshit! How could I run back to her? I had lost everything, but I was still proud as hell. Must be a leo thing.

Slowly things change. I begin to realise where I had gone wrong. I had had no life of my own in Delhi. I had only acquaintances, no friends. All of my friends were his friends from his college. I was an extension of his life. Which was a big mistake. Cos when that ended, I had nothing.

Slowly, I made friends, tried to fix my life back together. And then things got really bad.He came back into my life again, saying he was sorry for being such a jerk and all, and that he wanted to be friends. I was okay with being friends, cos I still didn't hate him ( I wonder why!).

But he just didn't know how to be friends. He became jealous when guy-friends from work called. He started calling me at all hours of the night and day, telling me that he needed me for emotional support and crap. I had had enough. I told him to leave me alone. I stopped answering his calls. But then he logged into my yahoo messenger ( he had my password and I had not changed it, never thought he would turn out to be a maniac) and checked my mail too and he changed my password and didn't give it to me for three days! Which was the last straw!
I changed my password, changed my house, and phone number.

Before I left, he came to my PG and told me he needed me to be there for him. I told him to never to come to me again, and if he does I would go to the police. He slapped me and walked off before I could recover from the shock and break his nose!

Then one day I was in Green Park market haggling with the auto drivers when suddenly I hear somebody shout my name. I look back and see him beaming at me, so happy that he saw me and all! I couldn't believe the guy! The last time he saw me, he had slapped me and walked off and now he is acting like nothing had happened! I just jumped into the next auto and sped off, to where Rohan( not his real name) was waiting for me.

Rohan, my new boyfriend.

But that is another post.


esvee said...

I've been there and back..!so i know(but mine was much worse...)you just pick yourself up and then start walking...will be painful but time sure heals...(maybe it will take a little time!)And you learn from it..And my advice is never go for a guy who is "girlfriend beating type".he may plead and worm his way in to your heart again..but sure he is gonna beat you again...(by the way i do wonder what pleasure do these guys get by beating up their girlfriends/wives?)

take care..have great days!

Neha said...

Preach it, sista! I'm almost 25, very much experienced in heartbreak, unmarried, living with a man, and happy as hell regardless of what my mum's sister's husband's brother's wife's mother thinks of me. I've realized that (in my personal relationships) the only people I would sacrifice much happiness for are those who would do exactly the same for me. It's a good system, it works for me.

Anonymous said...

hi sonia,

i am a keralite presently in bahrain. read ur blog by chance. life takes a lot of sudden turns sometimes for worse and many times for good. wish u a happy & full life ahead.

i am a great admirer of ayn rand's Atlus Shrugged.
1 gr8 book that influenced me was " The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale.

if ya care for pen friendship, throw up an email at :



Parna said...

kudos girl. for walking away. maybe you had a broken heart. and you were alone. with no friends. but it could have been worse. so thank god for that. i have a close friend who was in an abusive relation for 4 years, before she woke up one day and realised that she owed it to herself - to have some peace, content and happiness. she had done nothing to miss out on her share of it.

and like you - she was alone, cold and miserable. all her friends, she realised,were basically his. but she came out of it. well and strong.

so kudos to you Sonia.

and about the last post - what works for some, maynot work for others. and ofcourse relationships vary form person to person, place to place etc....i have been on both sides of it. was single till feb. when i got married. and am not really young :) so, seen both sides of the story. just do your own thing. easy to say. but trust me, don't settle for less. you owe yourself.

(sorry for such a long comment)

lazydad said...

The last post becomes clear when we read this one.
Like most of the comments above- all i can tell you is - follow your heart- BUT dont let your head rule you heart.
Getting married, staying single-everything in the end can be justified, but as a person from a slightly older generation all i can tell you is that time lost seeking your answer is most often regretted later in life.

Rohan Kumar said...

First time here, nice to read thru ur blog even though it seemed like a guilty pleasure gazing at the window into ur life :)
P.S. dont let crazy ass SOB's like ur ex get away with such physical behaviour ever again. Make sure he pays for such actions and never repeats them in any of his future relationships.

Joker said...

*HUGS* to you. Just hang in there and follow your heart and mind!
'member you are responsible to none but yourself.

musings (m000nie) said...

awww that was real bad... slap him on my bhalf if u ever get to meet him...

hey hows ur new job?? was away for a while so missed a lot i guess... its been a manic week in mumbai...


GoodLookiN! said...

He slapped you? If it ever gets to that, he needs a shrink and you need one too if you forgave him. Also, try taking taewando classes, next time (if there is a next time...) go for where it hurts..

mrsmogul said...

Some Christian beating you up. It's good you got rid of him.

Jay said...

you should have photgraphed the red hand mark and filed charges for assault. it's what i recommend to every woman. letting him off the hook means you're writing him a permission slip to do it again.

i know that time has passed now, but just an FYI for the future. nobody, male or female, has the right to lay a hand on another human being.

Lost in trance... said...

Heres a big bear hug to you from me. *HUG*

when you are so much in love, the heart just takes over...its like this auto-pilot thing, u fail to see a lot of things u wud otherwise...
but then if there werent any morons, howdyu really appreciate the genuine guys eh? (sorry, bad attempt to cheer u up)

First Rain said...

You were scarred and that is unfortunate. You lived through and came out on top of things is better. That you'll have a good life which you'll live on your terms will be the best!

Cheer up, and never say die! I am sure you'll feel better after a chocolate excess treat. What say? :)

Mirage said...

What a jerk! Next time u c him make sure u kick him in the nuts! What a loser!! Creep! Moron! Maniac! Vandal! Aaargh i cud go on!

Rahul said...

U never ever take that kind of crap from anyone. Maybe as you said, it was about lacking a support sstem independent of him... Im sure u'v seen close to the worst, and nature will have only better to offer now... :-)

zombie said...

You have a lot of blog frens sweets...good to see i know what's helping u survive!