Thursday, September 22, 2005

still...

I’d always wanted a younger sister.
I still remember I used to have an imaginary sister I used to play with when I was 4 years old!
And finally, finally after waiting for three looong years (time goes slower when you’re a kid), I got my wish when I was seven. I got my sister.

I remember when mama brought her into the house, she was sleeping. Mama laid her on the bed and left the room and I was all alone with my baby sister. She was so small! So small and so pink! She looked so delicate, and she was too! I couldn’t help but kiss her, ever so gently, on her forehead. Just a touch of my lips, that was it. But her forehead turned red, like a bruise! I got so scared! I thought I had hurt her. And I panicked and when mama came I denied everything.
I didn’t do anything mama, not a thing!
I didn’t even touch her!
Mama laughed and said it’s ok to kiss her, just that she’s delicate, so be careful!
I loved her so much! I was so damn proud of her! And she admired me so much! I was her chechi (elder sister) whom she loved and adored.

I left when she was 10. But even when she turned 15, she still loved me and valued my take on things. She loved hearing me talk about college and work and all. She used to call me and tell me she missed me.

But all that’s changed.
Now, she’s this self-assured female, 17 going on 25, who has no idea where she’s going, but makes sure it’s wherever she not supposed to go!
Now I’ve been shortened to chech, (when she’s in a good mood).
The look of adoration has been replaced with scorn.
The family is an embarrassment to her.
She only wants her ‘friends’.

I know it’s cos she’s at that age.
I know she doesn’t mean it.
I know she still cares.
I know!

But it just hurts so damn much when she says “I hate you”.

27 comments:

Jithu said...

hmm.. nice post.. i donno whether i wished fr a sister when i was young, coz i was so young that time and then i got my brother. bt yeah later we both wished we had a sis.. :-))

17; the age is like that.. things wud be just fine when that 'teen' peiod is over.. u knw v all came thru that age and nothin happened to us.. so there is nothing much to worry abt.. :-)

think of "i hate u" as something whuch somone says to his/her beloved ones when (s)he is in too much of love.. (i knw u mite nt have understood it..) its an "i hate u" accompanied by a smile and love in the eyes.. :-) think of it like that.. :-)

AB said...

Awww... but you know what your wish came true. Like I wrote on somebody else's blog who also wrote a post on her younger sister- pennylaneinaustralia.blogspot.com - I also wanted a sis. But never got lucky.

First Rain said...

Forgive.. forgive...forgive... and hold on to her with all that you have. A sibling is a most cherished companion .. you are lucky you got your wish. Trust me on this... I do know a few things, even if I have no idea about the rest of them :P

Lost in trance... said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lost in trance... said...

...i guess there aint no dearth of ppl who wanted (or still want) a younger sis...but then i'm so fkn happy that i have a younger bro, like the one i do...and yes, i cant even imagine the day he says that.

Keshi said...

Im a younger sis in my family...dunno if my sis wished for me :) but here I am...take me as I am both in my childhood and grownup years....ppl change with time and go through phases Sonzz...u and I do too...give her a chance to learn just like u have...

Soon she'll be saying 'I luv ya' instead of that 'I hate ya'...it's a matter of time...

**I loved her so much
u used the word 'loved'...does that mean u dun love her anymore?


btw I havent seen yu ard lately..hehe...hope that loser didnt get to ya. but thats ok...take it easy :)

Keshi.

Kahini said...

You'll be fine, and she'll be fine. It's cool.

Mirage said...

Oh dear! I'm the 'younger sister' in my family! N I was worse! I went a lot ahead than "i hate yous"! But u knw what it hurt me more than any1 else. But thnx to my gr8 big hearted, forgiving family, I always apologised. I didnt say it everytime, but I used to write li'l notes and slip them under the door, or tidied up their rooms for them, u knw just small gestures to make them know I've realised my mistake! Ur sis cares, but u gotta give her space sweetie! And u also need an immense amount of patience!! I know I demanded all of that! Take care! :)

vAgue said...

aww.....it must hurt...but then you say yourself- it is transient....
and you must go read this

vAgue said...

oops i meant this

Rahul said...

That was very melancholic. Quite different from any other post i read on your blog- like there's no masking the genuine anguish behind it. You shouldnt blame it on the age and leave her to her own devices. She's your sister and you have to win her back. Siblings are the only people you share your whole life with. I hope it all works out!

Sonia said...

jithu: i know what u mean. you just can't hate someone so much if you don't love them.

AB: yeah, i really am lucky. :o)

FR: i don't have any choice but to forgive. you see, i know how she feels, but she doesn't know hoe i feel. so i should understand and i do forgive. but it still hurts.

Lost in Trance: i hope you never have to.

keshi: yeah, u seem like the younger one! ;o)
yes, i still love my sister, of course i do.
and no, no-one "got to me", i've just been busy.

kahini: yeah, you're right. things are fine now. i guess i was just feeling hurt and confused at the time.

mirage: yeah, i wud, but i'm not the patient types. i guess i have no choice now huh?

vague: thanx! i liked it! :o)

Sonia said...

rahul: i have yar! things are fine now. these fights keeps happening all of the time. but i know she loves me and i love her too. and things are cool now! :o) thank you!

Joker said...

*HUGS*

Sonia said...

joker: *hugs* to you too! u know, i can't come to ur site anymore!!! :o( why is that??? it always gives me :page cannot be displayed "

Anonymous said...

No com

Joker said...

awww i dont know why... perhaps if you tried and cleaned up your cookie cache and history and tried again? try from home instead of work. Kahini had that problem once. and do you have the correct link? http://foreverthejoker.blog-city.com or http://www.foreverthejoker.blog-city.com or try this link http://foreverthejoker.blog-city.com/read/poster/56398.htm
hope this works. let me know please.

KJ said...

hi sonia

i m sure that ur sis does not hate u. u seem to be such a wonderful sis.

take care

:-)

Keshi said...

ok Sonnnz :) but even tho Im the younger sis, most of the time my sis acts like she's the younger one...lol u wouldnt believe it...ppl tell me Im more matured in my thinking :)

Keshi.

injinuity said...

hahhaa.. I know what you mean... acchachan got shortened to chachu... being an elder bro to a younger sis is harder than being an elder sis to a younger sis... I mean atleast you know what is going through her head...

Sonia said...

injinuity, u can never really KNOW fer sure, you can only have an idea.

Parna said...

hey Sonia, like you said, this is just a phase. some have it easy and others difficult. don't give up on her. she doesn't know, but she needs you like crazy. know that

Rhyncus said...

Someday, inshallah, the two of you will sit and laugh about these days. Maybe you'll even show her this post. :)

QuaTros said...

I guess there are times when she says 'I love you' too. :-) Do remember those times and I guess the flames of happiness will still be alight in your heart!

Anonymous said...

I have a sis 5 years younger. When we were kids, she was the pet of the family and always spied and reported me to mom any of my pranks. I wished I could wring her neck then.
Now we are married and both our families are in Dubai. Ours sons were born days apart.
And she is now my sweet little sister.

Sonia said...

parna: i know. :o) and things are all ok now! thanx! :o)

rhyncus: i won't show her this post. but i've told her that i've blogged about her, and she is SOOO curious!! *evil laugh*

quatros: yep! :o)

anonymous: she isn't so sweet all the time, and she isn't little, but she'll always be my baby sis! :o)

Saraansh said...

I have a younger sister and I always thought that I would be one of those brothers who let their sister do anything and yet the first time she told me she was seeing somebody, the first thought that came to my mind was she is too young for this... :-) I still feel that way ,I guess somethings will never change.