Nothing

I had needed a break from blogging.

But now, the blog seems to not want me back.
I had put all my posts in draft mode, but now... they've all disappeared. I've got NOTHING in my list. More than a 100 odd posts and now there's nothing left. It's gotten deleted somehow.

I've been blogging since July 2003, it's been 3 years, and now I have nothing left.

If Only...

If only i didn't keep hoping.
If only i didn't believe in wishes coming true
If only i could just accept...

then i could have given up.
i could have given in.

Happy Birthday Ma!

I hate furniture shopping. Especially with my mum. She is just not capable of making up her mind!
And she insists on dragging me and dad along all the time. Now dad grumbles a lot and manages to get out of it most of the time, but if I say something, she’ll start blackmailing me with how she’s not there just to cook and clean, she needs love and furniture-shopping-companion too!
It’s usually just easier (on my nerves) to go along with her.

It was my mum’s birthday on the 11th.
Last time we’d gone to Ikea, we saw this sofa, and she said she liked it, but she thought it too expensive.
So I thought I’d get that one for her birthday as a surprise. Not only would she get her sofa, I’d never have to go sofa shopping again for a long time! Two birds with one stone and all that!

So I went off by myself (on the evening of the 10th), bought the sofa (2 + 3 seater), lugged it back home, assembled the two seater and showed it to her, and she didn’t like it! (She also didn’t remember ever having seen it before) Of course she didn’t say it out straight that she didn’t like it! She hemmed and hawed about how it was too light and would get dirty soon, and about how the arm rest was a “bit too thin” and stuff.
Then she suggested returning it.
Sigh! Returning it would be such a pain! But I had no choice.

The next day, I called up Ikea, and they told me that they cannot take anything that’s been assembled, but they’re willing to take back the ones we didn’t open.
But my mum wudn’t listen (apparently, a bazillion years ago the neighbours had been able to return something that they bought from Ikea. So the policies should remain the SAME of course, and they “would surely take it back since we bought it just yesterday!”)

So her bday was spent lugging the sofas back to Ikea and pleading with them to take back the 2 seater as well.
Obviously Ikea, just like on the phone, apologized a lot but did not take it back.
And mum was okay with that! Cos otherwise, she’d had “kept thinking that they would have taken it back if only we’d tried"
!!!

She’s my mum and I love her,sure.
But she drives me crazzzzzzzy!

I feel...

...restless, uneasy, anxious, worried, nervous, fidgety, confused,irritated, bored, boring, alone, lonely, angry, helpless, scared,cornered, wistful, sad, emotional...

pretty fucking awful.

Food for the soul

I woke up in the morning with the song Teri Deewani by Kailash Kher in my head.
It was just 6 am.
I tried singing it.
Then I felt like I needed to hear it RIGHT THEN!
So I went online and got the song and played it on endless loop for hours.

tere naam se jee loon
tere naam se marr jaaun
teri jaan ke sadke mein kuchh aaisa kar jaaun
tune kya kar dala marr gayi main mitt gayi main ho ri ha ri ho gayi main
teri deewani

Sighhhhh!! How beautiful is that huh!
I cannot even begin to describe what I feel when I hear this song.

It is so overwhelming, the feeling that washes over me.... it reinforces my faith in all that I believe in.
It makes me happy and sad and gives me hope and makes me feel helpless all at the same time.
Siiiiigh!
Somebody hand me a margarita!