Wednesday, September 20, 2006

baavra mann dekhe chala ek sapna...

A few days ago the radio had a very interesting topic of discussion.

What was/is your reason to get married?

Now I've always felt that hardly annyone I know got married for love.
Most of the people I know got married for convenience.
The right age, parental pressure, dowry, money, broken heart (so instead of affair on the rebound it becomes a marriage on the rebound) etc etc.

There was this one lady who came on air who was hilarious.
Here's her explanation to why she got married:

I'm not very smart. I was not a very good student and my husband is a verrry intelligent man. I wanted my children to be smart, so when he asked me ( over the internet) whether I would "clean his house forever", I said yes. I hope my husband is not listening to this, cos when he asked me I told him I loved him! *laughs*
And now I have a daugther and I think she is very intelligent, so I am happy.

Well, I guess whatever works huh?!

There was this other guy who wanted to adopt babies and he wanted a mother for his children, so he went looking for a woman who would understand that he never wanted children of their own and that he wanted to get married solely to adopt! He found one, they got married and adopted a girl.
Apparently, they're very happy together.

What I cannot believe is that people out there with such weird requirements end up finding partners who fit the bill, and here I can't find one who wants to marry for the simplest reason of all. Love!

Although I must say, recently, I've had the good fortune of meeting a lot of couples ( young and old) who has gotten married for love. Most of the people I know from work got married for love. And it seems to be working out well for them too!

This colleague was telling me about how he met his wife in college. ( This was wayy back in the 80's.) He's from Iran btw.

She is a very good driver. And she was famous in college for her crazy driving.
I used to hate her then, but then I didn't know her. I was just jealous.
One day, I went up to her and challenged her to a race.
She agreed.

We started racing, and I knew she was going to win ( to all the men reading this, don't be skeptical. There are women out there who are really good drivers!)
So I cheated. I went over to the other side of the road... (At this point I'm thinking "Yeah right!" The other side, which means on a one-way road, he was travelling in the opposite direction! But you must remember, this was Iran in the 80's. It wasn't exactly Sheikh Zayed Rd. And he didn't sound like he was lying)

... and that's how I won. When she got out of the car, she told me I'm crazy, and I told her "Hey! I had to win!"
That's how we became friends. And now we've been together for what.. (he stops to count) 16 years now!

And from the smile on his face, I can make out that he's happy and still in love.
So no, it's not a Hollywood fabrication. It does exist apparently.

Since I'm talking about luhhve and matters of the heart, I'm gonna sign off with a song that has been driving me crazzzy ever since I first heard it in Bombay. I listen to it on endless loop allll the time I can, hum it throughout work and once even woke up with the song in my head and rushed to the computer to hear it first thing.
And NO, I'm not in love.

kyun aajkal neend kam khwaab jyada hai
lagta khuda ka koi nek iraada hain
kal ka fakir aaj dil shehzada hain
lagta khuda ka koi nek iraada hain
kya mujhe pyar hain...

I love these lines, the way he sings them.

... dekho jahaan mein neele neele aasmaan tale
rang naye naye hain jaise ghulte hue
soye the khwaab mere jaage tere waas-te
tere khayaalon se hai bheege mere raas-te

kya mujhe pyar hain...

Passion! I'm a sucker for it.


First Rain said...

Bavre se is jahan me
bavra ek saath ho,
Is sayani bheed main bas
hathon me tera haath ho,
Bavri si dhun ho koi
Bavra ek raag ho,
Bavre se pair chahe
Bavre tarano ke
Bavre se bol pe thirakna...
Bavra man dekhne chala ek sapna.

I lurve this song. I completely get your point. The song you mentioned IS nice. Amen!

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

to know a person for a few years before marriage, don you think takes the spice n thrill of discovery away?
i've always thought the spark that they talk about lies in the freshness of a relationship -
in taking it slow; in keeping something for tomorrow, n the day after that,n they day after that.

people tend to be in a hurry with love, n lose it by the time the relation culminates in matrimony. n of the couples that I know that have maried for love, i don know too many that are really (exceptionally) happy.
it's possible that we have have different kind of friends, but i thought i should tell you this..

Sonia said...

FR: the song I mentioned is killing me! siiiigh!

Toothless wonder: Unfortunately or fortunately, I seem to be surrounded by married couples who has the light of love shining in their eyes.

Sonia said...

toothless wonder: and no, i do not think it is a thrill to get married to someone i don't know anything about. and i don't think by knowing a person before marrying him or her reduces anything good in a relationship.

zypsy said...

came from white magpie's blog...

i will marry a woman coz i would love to make breakast for her everyday:-) on a serious note, i will marry a woman who's passionate about something, who can challenge my views and beliefs, who loves reading and travelling, and who can be happy with the small/simple things in life.

went through all your posts...too bad, you lost so much of your earlier writings.

Sudha said...

the song is driving me crazy too. and everytime i listen, i just have to give it my full attention. God help me!

toothless wonder: i cud not, cud not, keep myself from responding. ppl need to know each other well before marriage to know that they can make it work. and may be even be in love, to know they will be happy. there is really no spice and thrill in discovering that he is not the right one for you after marriage and then having no choice but to divorce or live in bondage.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

it was just a different point of view - my point of view.
and i was not suggesting getting married to a complete stranger.

i've people from my family, n my friends who met their spouses first at the workplace, in the bus, even in school. but they werent really in love until they decided they'd get married to each other (and the decission was almost always made considering the practicality of the deal)

see my point?

the saint said...

it takes all kinds to make the world, and that, i guess results in all kinds of pairs...don't you think?

Sonia said...

zpsy: oh wow! we should get married! ;o)

and who is white magpie??

Sudha: God help us both!! have you heard Chal Chale? and how about So jaon main?? they're all just soooo damn passionate!

toothless wonder: hmm, practical love. yeah, that happens. but i don't know how they do that.

the saint: oh yeah, i totally realize that it takes all kinds! i'm not saying what any of them did was right or wrong. it's just not for me is all.

zypsy said...

really? :-)

not white magpie...ghost of tom joad.

Sonia said...

zypsy: ohhh. the bruce springsteen fan.
and yeah, suure! annnything for travelling. i'm nuts about it. :)

GhostOfTomJoad said...

Did someone mention my name? :-)

There's a theory...if you go looking for it, you might not find it. Let it find you.

I don't believe I said that :-)

Sonia said...

Tom Joad: In my previous post, I'd mentioned that 'I don't believe in looking' in reply to one of the comments.

So yeah, I'm not looking. I just miss it.

hj said...

is love something that just happens and finds you? or do you have to make it happen and look for the right person and moment and grab it?..always been a confusion...

i dont even remember how i fell in love the last time..tho do remember how it simply hurt when it was over

hj said...

most of all like you said...Fucking hope.
Gets me all the time.

Anonymous said...

i guess its the moment. grab it. why should good words never be spoken?

Sonia said...

HJ: i don't think love is something that you can make happen or look and grab or anything. it'll happen if it's meant to be is what i believe.

Anon: ??? what?!

Lost in trance... said...

"and here I can't find one who wants to marry for the simplest reason of all. Love!"

chk this quote (i luv it): if it's to be, it's up to me.

dont lose that smile.

Sonia said...

Lost in Trance: I think that's right for every other thing than love.

Lost in trance... said...

its true for everything dear. one just has to be open to recieve thazzal. :)