Friday, April 09, 2010

What i hate about mallu-land

I haven't reached Kerala yet and it's already started!
This friend of my parents' stopped by a while ago and of courseinquired about my single status.
And I quote, " my daughter has an 8 month old son! What are your plans? Are you so used to being by yourself and just enjoying life?" (?!)
His daughter is about 3 or 4 years younger than me.

This is what I haaaaaaaaaate about Kerala and keralites (obviously not all keralites are like that, but you get what I mean).
People who have nothing to do with you other than the fact that they might have shared the neighbourhood with you 10 years ago think it is their right to inquire about your most private and personal business. A friend of mine is constantly asked about why she has not yet had babies!
Howwww can you have the audacity to ask some stranger about their sex-life?!
Talk about poking your nose into someone else's business!

What's worst is... they don't think they're doing anything wrong! Oh noooo!
It is my right to know what's happening in your life! And if you don't conform to my idea of living life, then there's something very wrong with you, and I have the right to advice you as well as discuss this with everyone in a 50 mile radius, and yes! that includes the milkman and the newspaper boy!


In Kerala, you will not find a single club that's frequented by females. In Cochin maybe you'll find a few completely lame clubs that close up around 8pm. I know this cos my friend from Bombay was recently in Cochin and told me he finished a round of all the clubs in Cochin in an hour cos they were all empty except for a few lame men (straight) dancing with other men!

This is not cos mallu girls and boys don't party! Oh noo! They just don't party in mallu-land. They'll go to Bangalore to party if they want to. Why? Cos it's against our culture!
I don't go clubbing either when I'm in Kerala, mainly cos there aren't clubs any where I live, nor do I have any friends to go clubbing with!
Plus, of course, going out after 6 pm by yourself is an automatic invitation for a man to molest you in god's-own-country.
I'm serious, the roads are empty after 7pm! And dark (they don't believe in street-lights I guess). And this is the way it will be, cos we are satisfied with that. If a girl gets raped cos she left the house by herself, that's her fault! Because men will be men!
And this is what men are, according to our people. It's a man's world right?

It is the most hypocritical place in the planet after Saudi Arabia and I hate it!
Can't believe I have to spend 2 weeks there!
Damn! I should've just gone to Delhi!


Shweta said...

I grew up in the capital city. After a few visits to Kerala I told my Malayalee parents that they can go and visit the place on their own. It is more Talibanised than Afghanistan. And the men more perverse than serial rapists.

maithreyi said...

Yes my dear Sonia, you are learning things!But u hv the freedom to live at a place of your choice, right? then go ahead, live your life the way you like!

jaypee said...

Thts an interesting point to ponder over, sonia. ny ideas as to why is it so in kerala, shweta and sonia?

Saaketh said...

bad mood ? :-) its the same in around 99% of the cities/towns in India, just the metros which are ok (Delhi is still scary in the night for girls, n pubs r randomly attacked everywhere but ofcourse once in a yr)

we live in a strange world!!

Sonia said...

Shwetha: don't get me started on the perverts!

maithreyi: where i live doesn't matter. The fact that this kind of attitude exists is what bothers me.

Jaypee: As Saaketh mentioned below... it's not just kerala. But I can speak with authority only on 3 states of India I've lived in, and Kerala is one of them . And i don't think this mentality exists only in kerala. But I've seen it most in keralites.

Saaketh: terrible mood! And yes, you're right. Except for the metros, all the places in India are probably the same. And yes, Delhi is dangerous for women, but not as dangerous as Kerala. In Delhi, if 10 women were to walk out at night, you could say that probably 1 out of them would be molested. In Kerala, that ratio would be much higher.

viSHwAmiTHraN said...

okayy so th reasons y u hate mallu land:
1. clubs r'nt tre.
2. street lites dont work
3. all men molest all women after 8
4. a voyeuristic n ogling junta

if these sums up as the resons y u specifically hate mallu land then get ready to hate almost 99% of india. not all cities can be a mumbai or a dilli and not all states can be a goa either..if u reach kashmir n if u cant find a shop sellin kancheepurum silk,plssss dont blame it on kashmir.. evry place in india has its uniqueness and its own set of sensitivities..the italized culture in ur post n the history has a big role to play in the psyche of a region..if all were same wats the fun..
an wat made u twin saudi n kerala on hypocricy baffled me..curious to knw the reason of the discovery??!!

overall readin this post made the sentimental malayalee in me cry all nite :'-( !!

Leela A said...

Ouch, sounds like an ordeal. But I hope the Ayurveda helps your neck and back. Take care.

Sonia said...


you've COMPLETELY missed the point!
My reasons for disliking kerala is not cos they don't have clubs. I don't like it cos of the hypocrisy behind it. Clubs are considered taboo by people from "good" families, while the same people from these "good" families will go clubbing elsewhere in the country or outside. personally, i'm not much of a clubbing person myself as i don't dance much, so it doesn't make a difference to me one way or another.

Not getting kanchipuram saris in Kashmir is different from NOT GETTING MOLESTED FOR GOING OUT AFTER 7 PM! how is that the "uniqueness" as you put it, of a place? (and i'm not talking abt going out clubbing, i'm talking about going out for groceries or to the hospital or wherever people go out at night in other parts of the world). You can't go to a theater in kerala without running the risk of someone trying to touch you from the seat at the back. Is that a cultural advantage?

People have commented about me in kerala, and i quote, " she thinks she's a man."
I don't think I'm a man, but i don't think I'm a lesser being because I'm a woman. I am treated equally and my opinions taken just as seriously as a man's. And most people in kerala (men and women included) don't like that.

Sonia said...

vishwamithran: Forgot to add, there are lots more reasons i hate kerala, one of which I've mentioned in my post that you seemed to have skipped- the fact that they think it's their right to poke their noses to other people's business, advice people on how they should live their lives and also, the fact that they're so stubborn they refuse to see any other point of view.

Leela: Thanks! I hope so too!

scorpiogenius said...

Hate is an easy word to say my dear lady... Just one tiny aspect of the mallu culture and you've already formed opinion?

There are a few pubs and clubs around where women do come. Find out the facts before heeding your ear to some ignorant fool and following suit.. Good luck

Sonia said...

scorpiogenius (if u say so): it's funny how you're fixating on the pub thing, when that is actually the least of my concerns. it is the mentality behind the pub thing that irks me.

Before you go around calling my friends fools, you should know that I don't form "hate" opinions very easily. I know enough of Kerala to hate aspects of it without needing a tourist's version of pub-culture as a reason for hatred.

$$ said...

I don't think I can agree completely to you, cos every place in the world has it's own positives and negatives! Even NewYork and Ottappalam included in the list! :)

However... I absolutely agree that people out there loves to poke their nose into others' business! AT times, I feel that it is their birth right or their sole goal in life!

Destiny's child said...

I agree, people are really jobless enough to ask you about your relationship status and whether or not you intend to have babies. I don't know about the rest of India, but many Malayalis I've met want are like that.

About the cities and streets of Kerala being molest-zones, well I don't agree. There are perverts, yes. But I was shocked to discover that Kerala is a lot better than Bangalore (suburbs) and Hyderabad in that respect!

The Reluctant Mum said...

Your friend didn't go to the right places in Cochin obviously. And people across the country ask questions about not having babies, it's not restricted to Kerala alone.

Anonymous said...

Agree with you completely. You have obviously written this post after you had these experiences and not from what 'some ignorant fools' have told you. Only a fool will tell you to 'find out facts' when you have written down the facts.

Anonymous said...

Its shhocking to see what ppl are concerned about. Hope kerala would change as cosmopolitan as Dubai in the earliest.(and Dubai as NY) neways 28 is a proper age to get more wiser & settle down.

Sonia said...

$$: sure, you're entitled to your own opinions!

Destiny's child: I've been groped several times in buses in kerala. Not just me, a lot of my friends too. That's also a form of molestation. and the worst part is... there was this one time i complained to the conductor, and he did nothing! neither did anyone else in the bus! That's kerala for you!

The reluctant Mum: This post is NOT about the pub-culture in kerala, it is about the mentality of the people there.

Anon1: thank you for understanding that i'm saying all this from the varied and long experience with the state and not just cos my bombay-friend didn't like the pubs!

Anon2: i'm not asking for kerala to be like dxb or dxb to be like NYC. no one wants clone-cities. but kerala has this extremely MCP-ish mentality which, in my opinion, needs changing.

Smriti said...

Recently in a Bangalore bus, a woman complained of man groping her. Turned out to be a Keralite (from his courier office access card). She was a Manipuri and she told us that earlier too, a group of Kerala boys had grabbed her behind. Most women in the bus agreed that Kerala men are menace to women.

Kannan,India said...

Really sorry to hear you were a victim of us Kerala men.We are an oppressed lot,things r changing..the oppression is coz of isolationist mindset prevalant here.Kerala was the most liberal state in India..with a matriarchal culture especially among Nairs..We had formal live-in relationships and women went top-less
until less than a century ago..
Every culture goes through crests and trough..I think we are at bottom stage now(decayed)..and I am positive things are going to improve..
I can only empathize with your anguish since u had 1st hand experience of such assault.
Even I was felt up my homosexual individual in bus..while going to college..if I called it in..
he would have bludgeoned to death..
since he was an oppressed minority..I let the matter go..

Sonia said...

Kannan: It's true that it was a matriarchal society, but now it's not. And the topless thing... that wasn't by choice. Women of lower castes were not allowed to cover their chests. So the caste system isn't the best thing. I can't believe someone fondled you and you let him get away with it cos he was a minority! What does being a minority have anything to do with it??! The caste system should be made irrelevant.

But I agree with what you've said... it's true that all this is happening due to inexposure. And yes, the place is more liberal than others. Which is just such a sad thing.

Smriti said...

Anita :) said...

Being a Mallu, I too hate God's own country for the exact same reasons which u mentioned.
Whats more, my friend who just delivered a baby 2 months back was warned by a very distant relative that it is high time to plan for the second one!Oh sweet Lord, when will these people become extinct?

RG said...

Aha, someone has been linking to my Kuwait blog here.

Anyways, this is a cultural inquisitiveness that takes place all over India. My extended family constantly inquire about my single status - and my answer is always the same: "I'm busy."

rahool... said...

bein a keralite, who has spent most of d life in kerala, n bein one who positively hates d state for d reasons u have stated, i agree wit ya completely lady......

HumbleBeginning said...

lot of mallu bashing !! and some defences from malloo bravemen !!
Here are my answers :
All these opinions are developed on the assumption and expectation that "Kerala" is the most "modern" place and Keralites are expected to behave super human in all respects of life. Kerala has no metro cities in the entire state. None of them have grown to the status of any other metros in the country.It will take time for people of small cities to adjust with the metro behaviour patterns. Most people who live in those so called cities are actually migrants from small villages and towns of kerala, and they all come with those rigid mindsets.There is a rule written or unwritten for a locale. If some one is behaving against it. that will be pointed out. Its not common for girls living in Kerala to go out at night. So they do not go out. If they see some "daring" lady walking at midnight it is against the rule of the land, and it is quite natural for others to point out.
Girls in kerala who wants to party go out of their state and party, because they cannot do that in front of their parents or relatives. A simple truth of life. That may be true for all people in our country except for those who live in metros.I am 45 years old. I dont dare to drink of smoke in front of my 76 year old mother even now. That is a respect and I am proud that I give that respect to my mother. I have one girl child who is 13 years old. I have to state this fact very humbly that "I would never want my daughter partying at night, drinking and coming home putting her hands on some colleagues/co workers/co student/neighbor/friend or whatever. However, I may agree to my daughter's act, Or I may think that it is her world and her business. But Inside my mind, I am still that poor MCP who really get hurt to see my daughter coming home that way. May be, I need to grow. I need to grow to accept that.
4.As regards gossiping, rapes,and crime against women etc are concerned. Where these things do not happen my friend ? What are kitty parties ? what men and women talk in drinks parties ? nothing but "polished gossipping.."
5.In all "BIMARU" STATES (BIHAR-MADHYAPRADESH RAJASTHAN UP) we know what is the condition of a woman. Even woman are not allowed to be delivered from wombs. Forget about partying and going at night !!!
These are my sincere opinion about what kerala and keralites are. I do not complain about any other states or people because that is not "my business". What i have experienced about others being a person who lived atleast 20 states in the country, is much different. End of the day. I really feel proud for what I am. My in born qualities, my in born culture,my positive sides.. make me rejoice about what i am. May be I am a MCP a bit.. but then its okay. Its for my family and betterment of my own daughters / sisters / relatives / friends who needs to be safeguarded...

So let us not please bash a state or the entire population for such simple matters of life. If a neighbor lady/man asks about some one not having baby ? Please let them ask. Please do not get angry about it. That is how they were born. thats how they are. Please pardon them. Tolerance is the word.
They certainly did not have wished you any thing bad. I am sure about it. It is their response to "something strange" that they see, when they compare with others in that locality. Thats all.
Make sense ?

Sonia said...

humble beginnings: No, i'm sorry, you do not "make sense" to me.

As I've repeatedly mentioned in my comments, the object of my post is not to bash kerala for not having pubs. I'm fine with it not having pubs. What i'm not ok with is the fact that women cannot walk out at night by themselves without attracting horrid men who think they have a right molest women cos she's "asking for it" if she leaves the house at night. It doesn't matter that she's going to get some groceries or she needs to go to the hospital or whatever. if she's going out at night, then she's fair game. It's like the men there are animals.

And, about clubbing... it does not necessarily mean that the women will be carried home if they go clubbing. Personally for me, I ensure that i drink ONLY if i have my trusted friends around (male or female) so i know that they will take care of me when i'm drunk and have no fear of being mistreated. i would not do this if i was surrounded by typical keralite men.and there have been several instances where i have driven my drunk male friends home.

And about the complete lack of personal space that you think is supposed to be "tolerated", i completely disagree. The other day I was leaving the house and my neighbour was passing me by. He wanted to know where i was going. HOW is it his business to know where i am going? Why do i need to tell him what is going on in my life so that he can gossip about it? and yes, the mallu society is unfortunately extremely mean and vicious. They do not like it if anyone else is better than them. They are genuinely not happy about others succeeding. And THIS mentality, I've mostly seen in kerala only. In Kerala, if you buy a new car, within a week, someone will have scratched it.

i have a lot more examples of the same kind of malicious behavior, examples told to me by friends who live IN kerala and can't stand the people there. Friends who don't go clubbing, friends who don't drink, friends who are married, but still hate keralite behavior.

I'm not comparing things in kerala with worse places.. cos i know there are worse places. I'm not comparing it with the metros.
In fact, I'm not COMPARING at all.

I'm just saying what i don't like about it. And as you can see from the varied comments above, there are people who agree with me.

So Mr.Humble Beginnings, go on and protect your kerala if you will, but it is my kerala too, to criticize if i see something i don't like.

Anonymous said...

no wonder all the mallu girls put in their matrimonial ads on
"the groom should have lived outside kerala"

in the long run, the kerala men will have to get their act together or girls will just refuse to tolerate their crap!

Sonia said...

anon: unfortunately, for that to happen, the run will have to be VERY long, cos as of now.. from what I see and observe, the women just let them be ad tolerate it.

Appu said...


I though I was the only one hating mallus..
Let me tell you all my experience...
My friends neighbour is a mallu. On a weekend we planned a party at her hosue... it was a youth party... unfortunetly.. this mallu aunty came to us and she gave us a big long gyan as to how girls are expected to be.. we were shocked.. as my friends parents have no onjection with the party.. its the neighbour who is concerned... we somehow decided not to party.. she striked a conversation with us and she was enquiring caste, financial status... wht not.. every thing in life... I felt so bad.. DUHHH...since then I really started hating mallus yaar...

Anonymous said...

Hey I'm from kerala.I want to say that first of all.what you said is right but you don't know a big reason behind this.


Most kerala boys like partying a lot(I like it so much) but what about girls?I don't know whether they like it or not but the truth is they won't come for it.Let a boy call a girl for a trip or a walk,if it is a kerala girl she won't come and their is another reason for this>PARENTS,most kerala girls live upon the decision of parents.They can't break the rules or I'm forced to say,they don't have guts.99% of girls in kerala are like this and if their is an outgoing girl,she will be called as a slut by the community and due to this what can boys do?I'm damn sure more than 80% guys in kerala is modern and outgoing may be more than you can see in north.


The answer of this question is above.Mostly youths enjoy late night parties.So no girls that's sure means no boys too.its kerala sleeps after 7 and let me remind you molestation is more in delhi than kerala


Yes what you are said is true.The females of kerala have this advantage too.A male in kerala won't ask private matters for sure but female does.


Only kerala needs is modern girls and girls with some brain and girls who won't say when a boy looks at her "OMG he is looking at me,lets go"...This is true but if we aviod all this kerala is the best in India.High percentage of literacy,Less infant mortality...list never ends

Sonia said...

Anon: You have a lot of misconceptions about girls from Kerala.
And what you say about men not gossiping is completely untrue. The example I've given in my post is about a man.

There are just so many things wrong with what you've said that I'm not even going to try.

roop said...

all over india is the same i'd say.

whatever u wrote equally applies for punjabis too.

Sonia said...

Roop: punjabis too?! :o( And here I was thinking I should prolly try and get married to one, cos they're so fun loving and from what i hear, gentle and serene people who usually wish others no harm!

Anonymous said...

Oh god... Sonia is really funny sometimes.

alex said...

LUCKNOW: Disturbed by a spate of honour killings and same-gotra marriages in Western Uttar Pradesh, a khap panchayat has prohibited girls from using cellphones.

The panchayat of Lakh village in Shamli area of Muzaffarnagar, about 100 km from the national capital, has held mobile phones responsible for the spike in elopements and marriages without the sanction of community elders.

The decision has not only triggered angry reactions from women's groups, but also from some women of the village.

Among the village women, there have been others and some regional political organisations that have openly backed the panchayat. Reports from Muzaffarnagar said the Lakh khap took the decision in line with the draft finalised at the All Khap Mahapanchayat (AKM) at Sauraum on November 14 on measures to check same-gotra marriages.

"It was merely an extension of what has already been approved by the community at the Maha Khap," Gajendra Singh, a member of the panchayat and a local Bhartiya Kisan Union leader, said.

Apart from the use of cellphones, the khap issued directives to ensure that girls of the community do not wear tight clothes or dance on a stage during parties or celebrations even at home. Students of a girls' degree college close to Lakh are believed to be preparing to take up the issue with the khap claiming that any such ban would cause problems for the girls. "That should mean that such marriages and love affairs did not take place when mobiles were not there? Clearly that is not the case," said a student.

Sonia u there?????

Sonia said...

Alex, I'm here. But this post is about what I hate about Kerala, not all the things that are going wrong in India.
I'm not comparing one state from the other, I was only writing about the things in Kerala that irritates me.

nimesh said...

i dont usually comment in posts like this, but couldnt help it. If you hav lived in saudi arabia, u wouldnt make that statement. No offense just stating the obvious. :)

nimesh said...

i'm sorry just one more thing :p
i have a car which we bought while in kerala. Weird that no one scratched it till now. And yet more weirder to think none of the people i know (or the people which they know) have never mentioned anything like that happen to them. Check your facts out before ramble them out in public.

alex said...


I know you were not comparing the states , I just wanted to inform you that every state in India(applicable to all the places in the world i think),has its pluses and minuses.

And when it comes to the munuses, almost all the states in India has many worst things happening to humanity and freedom.

The problem with you is that when you mention the things happen in north India, you conveniently forget the remote areas and talk about cities and the towns and I have noted this thing when I talk to many of my north Indian friends.

Please note that Kerala is the only Indian state where the development reaches cities and villages simultaneouly.So our cites shows the charecteristics of a village and vice versa.

It is not like that we are not living in heaven( as national geographic often states...LOL), but we are contented with what we have.

Sonia said...

Nimesh: Again, I'm not comparing Kerala with worse places out there in the world, as I know there are. I'm only talking abt wat *i* hate abt the place.
And I have not just rambled about cars being scratched without any reference... I have experienced AND heard about this from a LOT of people living the city. Maybe you don't live in the city or maybe where you live it's not very prevalent.

Alex: I'm not North Indian. And i KNOW that every place has it's own positives and negatives. And i feel that our main problem IS the fact that we just content with the way things are.

Wondering to Self: This post was written AGES ago. Why is anyone still reading this?!

Tina Princess said...

I don't know how old are you but you seems to be older than me and that's why you don't know about Kerala well.I have to say this because the older generation in Kerala don't know about the new Kerala well,all they can say is the so called "Culture" here which have changed tremendously in Kerala.I live in Cochin and I don't find anything that I can't find in Kerala.Dance floors,Amusement parks,Lounges,Five star hotels,Cool boys,Stylish girls everything...and the biggest Mall in India is coming in kerala,Lulu...and now you can see much more stylish girls and boys in kerala than any other state,Only Goa can outrun kerala in these and Kerala is rated as paradise by Nat Geo... n even some famous Celebs in US like kerala and they said its the best...and about the behavior of people in kerala.You should specify that as people who are old,young generation rocks and Yes I enjoy partying with boys...and don't say about North,I've been to almost all Northern States,they suck big time..and if you can ignore the questions of older generation,Kerala is the best...

Sonia said...

Ms Tina Princess, you got a lot more living to do before you can decide on what's cool and what's not babe.

And I don't CARE that Kerala doesn't have pubs. What I care about is the sentiment behind the whole thing that bugs me. And celebrities come to kerala for a particular experience, which they like, they will not like to LIVE there. It's different for tourists.
So please don't spring this BS abt Nat Geo and celebrity whims and crap abt young and old generations.

alex said...

Sonia, you wonder why you get comments on the post which was written about Kerala ages ago.My answer is, that is what Keralites are.Almost all the places, including remote villages, have internet accessibility.

Try posting any article about any other states in India.Will be lucky if your post get noticed.

Sonia, I assure you that if you keep responding to the comments which you get for this article,you will be indulged replying to a post written ages ago, upto; what I say "ages".

Sonia said...

alex: i don't care.

Tina Princess said...

Hello Sonia,

"And I don't CARE that Kerala doesn't have pubs"

Who said Kerala don't have pubs?In Cochin,there are so many pubs and I have visited most of them.

Even I'm not a full Keralite and I know most of the places in India and which places can compete with Kerala?Oh come on,the fact is In India,Kerala is the best place to live,there is nothing which is not available and yes if you are on to people who are bugging you asking private questions,only you can help you out,you can avoid them,why can't you?So its your problem not Kerala's. Am I right?Now kerala got the higest literacy rate in India and that really reflects in kerala.I felt all guys in kerala are friendly,When I came here,I don't know the language here,only a little and I talked to autorickshaw driver in english and he got it although he don't know english.What does that mean?Even a guy who is a driver knows english,In Mumbai when I called an Taxi,he was talking in Hindi and he didn't even know a single world in english.I needed the help of a young guy to interact.Now see the difference and as you said guys in kerala ask about our personal things,I don't even feel that as a problem,we can ignore them,one aunt here said don't wear this dress and all but still her son said,this look sexy.So that's it.My friend said it and that's more to me than an aunt who is 40.Hey and who said celebrities are not living in Kerala,Most Hollywood celebrities live more time in kerala more than any other state,Many celebrites have said if there is a paradise on earth that's kerala,Any other Indian state have this honour?No and its even in Top 10 Paradises list and Yes when talking about Kerala generations does matter a lot,coz most guys who are older in Kerala are traditional than any other state and when it comes to younger generation,they are much modern than any other generation.

Sharon said...

I completely agree with what Sonia has experienced in Kerala. I myself being a Keralite hate to visit that place with loads of weird people.
People there are just pathetic.They always want to know what is happening in others life.

Anonymous said...

I just happened to read ur post. These are the things anyone would hate, and there are more things that are bad and u forgot to mention, the politics, the roads, hartalaals, etc.. I hate them too.. But next time u post something, try to find some nice things and mention them too.. For an outsider, ur making it sound like its the worst place on is it? I am 23 and i have been living in Bangalore for the past 13 years. There are things I hate about this place, also there are things I love. You didn't have one good thing to say abt the place or u just thot let me only say the bad things.. that way I will have more readers. Anyway, there are good and bad everywhere. and btw, do u hate ur parents, just because u knw...they are from the mallu land? Anyway sonia, u have good writing skills but u lack a little perspective. Just because a few people agree with ur post and comments doesn't mean what ur saying is right and vice versa...anyway keep posting..

Sonia said...

Mr Anonymous: Let me firstly mention that i HATE cowardly anonymous comments.

Secondly, in case you didn't see the post title, it says "things i HATE about mallu land".

This does not mean i hate it completely, or that it is a comprehensive list of all things hateful about the place. Nor do i have a blanket hatred towards all mallus, cos that is ridiculous.

And you say *i* lack perspective! hah!

Anonymous said...

I will ask one question to the so called modernists.Will anyone like to see our family girls (sister/daughter)dancing with men in nightclubs and coming out from the party in the following morning?Our Kerala is a small state with majority of the people in the middle class and enjoy an average life and are proud of their chastity.There may be exceptions but as long as you wish to lead a healthy life this is a must.The so called modernists have no contact with the society(at large)and they just don't care if something goes wrong.Even in the US they are too proud of our rich traditions.And those who stay abroad too don't want to have their girl children to be there after schooling.We will learn only(may not also)from our mistakes and not from others'.The rich can cover mistakes with about others?Having no night club will allow our girls to live peacefully and it is a boon.The development means sustained growth and in a slow pace and not on a rampage and you will definitely come back to this rhythm of nature sooner or later.

Anonymous said...

and u think delhi is safe?

Dr Stan Jo said...

well miss sonia, I am a keralite and I wholeheartedly agree with most of your views. Living here is oppression. there is no freedom of thought or expression, nor is there any sense of humanity. I haven't seen a more racist culture(that of discrimination among people based on caste colour creed religion) than those over here. The ones who point out the harmony are just falling for the hogwash. In daily life in kerala, the minds of the people are completely prejudiced agaonst each other based on external factors. I hate living in kerala, and I keep my visits to my native place short, ten days in six months at most. Everyone in the district will come asking why you have come, what you are doing and will come with marriage proposals even if you haven't asked them. Some of them come into my house, in my land and ask me who I am. And then they 'advise' us on how to live our lives. There are so many things to say. Basically living in kerala is tough for those yearning for independent, free living.

Sonia said...

anon number infinity: no, i don't think delhi is safe. but this post is abt what i hate about kerala. not abt the safety of delhi.

Sonia said...

Dr Stan Jo: I see that you clearly hate the place, my views are not as extreme. But yes, I am appalled by the level of hypocrisy in the state, and also by the interference of the people.

Anonymous said...

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.

Sonia said...

anon: huh??!

deeps said...

hi guys nd sorry @sonia but i cudnt help posting ..let me begin by introducing myself...i am mallu by origin..fortunately whiskered 2 bombay wen 3months..nd consider myself a native mumbaiite..thank god 4 my stars...i love kerala..its aptly named god's own country...but da one who coined dis phrase 4got 2 mention da later half of da jingle..let me complete dat.."kerala is god's own country... but DA PPL ARE DEVIL"..b4 u pounce on me...let me tell u... its not me who coined it..!!

Krish said...

Sonia, I think you are a mallu female. You should not get married to the black ugly dravidian monkeys of kerala. You should get married to the handsome indo aryan males of punjab.

Sonia said...


Yusuff said...

100% agree with Sonia.... I have lived for 25 years in Kerala, 2 years in Mumbai and 4 years in the US... The only 2 reasons why I visit Kerala are to meet my relatives every year, and to have some spicy home cooked food... The lack of mutual respect towards women, the over-interference in personal matters, unsafe surroundings for ladies to step out alone after dark - all are too annoying factors that doesnt really excite me at being a mallu male... The average mallu guy (who has never ventured out of Kerala) finds it very anti-masculine to give mutual respect to women who are not part of his family (sic !)

J. said...

I'm right with you on this.

You know, I have mixed emotions about this. There are times that I love malayalee culture and there are times where I just want to get rid of it from my life. I wouldn't judge this on the ENTIRE people, but what you said is true for many malayalees. I find many of them act like they are superior, cunning and just plain horrid. Come to the USA and you'll know. And the biggest issue of all is they have too much egoism and pathetic pride in themselves. I've heard many outside Kerala shun the culture and heritage, and really, who's to blame them? When I went to India last time, I felt so close to and loved it b/c my cousins there, even though they were raised in Kerala all their lives, understood that we are a bit different and don't have the mentality of a typical malayalee. They respected us and never judged us, and we did the same to them. We don't have expectations w/ each other and my brother and I happily adjusted to the living conditions there and respected what we were given (unlike some brash Americans). .

J. said...

But my mom honestly after we came back made me going to wanting to ditch it because her family is too egoistic and really don't want a family like them believe me. She began to have all these expectations that I need in order to be this fulfilled traditional mallu girl like in Kerala..aka FOB and superior. She would snap at me b/c I'm not like my cousin and told me before I should have grown up in Kerala. THANK GOD I DID NOT because I don't want to be like them and also there is no guarantee I will be like what she wants. She would compare me to my cousin who lived in Kerala for 4 years, but mind you, my cousin herself also have some negative views too and has a western mentality since she lived outside for most of her life. She doesn't even like my mom's family anyway and don't like those 'pure' malayalees. And the fact my snapped at me b/c I don't speak perfect malayalam, well thanks to her I HATE speaking the language and will never ever speak with pride because honestly when I was in Kerala, I have spoken and people said I spoke pretty well even if I wasn't considered 'fluent'. I grew to love it, but now I hate to speak it for the most part because of all this really shut me off and made me despise. Tell me, does that really matter? I honestly prefer to speak Hindi/Tamil rather malayalam. I still speak malayalam to a very few people, and it's those who loving, don't judge and don't know English as well lol. But to everyone else..nope. The biggest problem now is marriage, I already know they are planning to marry me off in Kerala and I know it's not gonna work out and ruin all my future goals. With a malayalee husband raised and who never been outside Kerala, your life is pretty much over and in hands of the husband and in-laws, and they're gonna mock you if you are not perfect. I swear I will make it known to the world how horrid and the real inner world of mallus are if this happens to me, and I will leave them with so much guilty knowing how disgusting they can be. Again this does not apply to ALL malayalee..there are many liberal and understanding malayalees who are easy to get along and compatible, these kinds of malayalees I would love and rather be with, but there are alot w/ egoism and all kinds of shit...and from seeing it, it's a lesson to learn to stay away or break relations if you can. Other day one of my aunts complained that no one of the younger generation likes Malayalam church services..coincidence much? Honestly I'm ok with going to them as long as there is no bickering and fighting, egosism, some of the churches do. I find the services lovely too. Also my dad and mom today are going to India in September and my dad asked me if I wanted to go. I flat out said NO. He thinks it's b/c I don't want to see family. That's not really the reason..From what I mentioned above, I know what's going to happen right out, especially with my's never enjoyable when she's with us because she's always snapping and's very annoying. I really hate going places with her now. If my dad was going alone, I would have given more thought, but as of now it's NO and plus I want to use that time to prepare for my career. But I agree with you and would love to talk more if you're willing too. Thanks so much for posting this..I needed to vent it out

Sonia said...

Ms J, I think you have a lot of other problems than just hatred for the mallu system.

Maybe you need to talk things out with your mom.

Alexandra said...

You have just made my day. I feel happy when i see mallus hating Kerala, it makes me feel so normal.
I have lived in Kerala for 16 years and then in Chennai for 6 years. I can vouch that Kerala is not for people who wants to grow.
The state boast about the literacy rate but the education system is nothing to be proud about. why do kids move out of the state to do their graduation?? Every second person you bump into is an engineer or a doctor. If you are not either of it, keralites are disappointed. I did visual communication and whole of my life i had to listen to 'you learned photography? why? you did not get admission for engineering?'
Malayalee men are sick!! I have never come across a bunch more chauvinistic than them. When they are outside Kerala they make friends only with mallu men to make a good team to molest women, Gossip(more than girls)and be all 'macho'.
Ever been to mallu land and wondered why girls are all clad ONLY in salwar kameez and saree? Society decides what a girl should wear and she is expected to walk keeping her head low. And even if a girl wears jean she is looked down upon and given nasty tags.This is NOT the case in other cities.
I hate going back to kerala, i cannot survive more than a day there. Women are strange and men are pathetic. In kerala speaking in English is considered to be a crime, if you speak in English you are a 'Madame'(a foreign woman)and people make fun of you. No wonder once the kids(most of them) move out of the state for education or job they find it difficult to cope up with kids from other states. Not to mention the famous mallu accent.

And there is a huge misconception about clubbing. Pubs are not a place where loose men and women go to get laid! I go clubbing often with my friends (read: girls and boys) to loosen up a bit and shake a leg or two. My parents know that i go clubbing and they are fine with it as long as i take care of myself. They are not worried about what my neighbor says! But i have come across many mallu mates from kerala saying 'oh, she goes clubbing, she drinks? chee chee.. she has no values blah blah!!' Gimme a break!!

I used to get excited when i come across a malayalee during my initial days in chennai. Now, i avoid a mallu as much as i can. I tell my mom every day that i will NOT marry a mallu who is born n brought up in Kerala.

I love Kerala ONLY for 3 good reasons

1. Food
2. Nature
3. AVIAL (music band)

J. said...


Honestly it's not me who's the problem..I was pointing out that my family is a prime example how typical malayalees behave, and yes I do agree it's always best to talk these things to your parents, however it's not possible when they are very narrow-minded and will not listen and jump at you as they always think they are "right". Heaven's sake they won't even let you express your feelings and will beat you until you give in! Our family is shattering because of the things you said about Kerala. Maybe you don't have it as bad with your parents who seem to be more understanding, I envy you.

Another thing I noticed is that we are labeled as NRI's/NRK's and Keralites are "pure" malayalees. There is a small incident that happened in my family recently that clearly shows that NRK's/NRI's and "pure" malayalees do not mix. Why? Because of our mentalities. Of course there are exceptions if there is respect and understanding and then there is bonding b/w us. But what proportion of Keralites will try to listen? Not many IMO.

That said, I do not completely hate the mallu land or the culture. And I know there is so much negativity like this in other regions in India and the world. I'm an American of malayalee heritage and the USA is my homeland since I was born and grew up here. Kerala is the land where my ancestors lie. That is who I am and it will never change, and I can tell you that in US there are alot things that I hate about it too, especially the greediness many people have here{"Puke"). I think Kerala is a beautiful place, however alot of people there can drive you away from the place. That is what I can't stand, plus I came across many who are judgemental as well..those kinds people drive me crazy to the max and I just cut them off.

J. said...

I agree with Alexandra..I also will never marry a malayalee born and raised in Kerala..even if I was forced into it, I know it will not last. It's the worst choice ever. If it's native Keralite and native Keralite, it's fine, otherwise NO. There was an incident that recently happened where an NRI married a pure malayalee and I can tell you the parents regret it big time. I will only go for a malayalee born and raised abroad or even another Indian like a North Indian or even non-Indian. However it will only depend on how we think and how we can respect each other regardless. My cousin married an American guy after years of fighting to not marry in Kerala and good thing she went her way and what she felt was right for her. She's been happily married for 6 years with three beautiful children. And it taught her mother a good lesson to get rid of her typical "mallu" view". Big slap on the face.

And I know North India is more modern (in the metro places) now than before, so it's easier to relate to them than a malayalee from Kerala. But I know with the younger generation in Kerala they want to be part of the modern world, however still it's an issue dealing with the parents and everything. I know they want to try to be like the rest of the world but can't b/c of the mentality of the older people. Heck if you watch the Miss Kerala stuff on youtube some people were commenting on how they are not like the traditional malayalee girl and were making nasty's retarted!

I'm going to India in one month and I have no excitement or desire to go after what happened last time. However part of me still wants to go only to see my grandparents, cousins and a few aunts and uncles there. Mind you, they are one of the sweetest ever. But I will not associate with anyone else there. My cousin whom I love dearly is getting married and she has expressed to me her fears about marriage when I talked to her. I completely understand her when you only meet the guy for one day and within one week get married. (It's a catholic malayalee custom) I don't feel it will work out and problems will arise later. How you can decide on marriage when you hardly know the person? I was also hoping that at least I can go somewhere outside Kerala for sometime. I wanted to go to Mumbai for a few days to see a few friends but surely my parents won't allow that. Only choice I have is to ask my male cousin who I am close to take me to Chennai where he lives. I always wanted to go to other parts of India, not just stay in Kerala for an entire freakin vacation.

Pray for me that the entire three weeks I spend there will go by super fast. I don't think I will enjoy it like last time and especially since I don't have my brother or anyone to cling onto if something ignorant or horrific happens. I'm alone...:eek:

Anonymous said...

Hey Read these two things, so interesting and am wondering what's your intake on this..

By the way, I do agree with some of the things you said. Because of that I also keep my Kerala visits quite short, 5-10 days maximum just to see my parents and sister. Rest of the time I am outside India. It's very hard to get along with malayalees..wish they were like the rest of the Indians.

Sonia said...

J: I wish you luck girl.

Anon: I'm sorry, I started reading the post links you sent, but did not have the patience to finish it. Marxism and what not is not what this is about. And I'm not proud or ashamed of being a Malaylee or an Indian. It's just what I was born into. NO big deal for me.

I just don't like a lot of things about Kerala and would NEVER want to live there.

Akshay said...

I am from North and i have been in Kerela for last 2 years. I am in a famous National level college with most of the administrative officers being malayalis. What I hate is that they give priority only to malayali festivals and they don't give a damn about Holi and Diwali. FYI my college runs on tax payers money and these mallus are just wasting that money on grand Onam celebration this week and they dont give a penny for diwali.
Also we are not allowed to go outside the college after 8pm as it is not safe outside. Before coming to Kerela I thought it would be a nice place with educated people but I was wrong. There are frequent cases of our college girls from north being teased and molested by the locals.

Sonia said...

Akshay: Please note that Kerala is only 100% literate, education and literacy are completely different things.
Also, let's not get racist here. Onam is a major keralite festival, obviously it will be celebrated more.
Diwali is celebrated in Tamil Nadu and Bombay, Delhi etc cos it is a major destival THERE. No one complains abt Onam not being celebrated in those places do they? If they do, they're being silly.

Also, what do you mean by " our college girls from the north"?
ALL FEMALES immaterial of race, caste or creed are treated as sex toys in Kerala and molested and abused no end.

J. said...

Hey thanks Sonia..for some reason this post does make me feel better. And also should admit that I'm pretty surprised to hear some of these views are from those growing up in India, usually these comments and views you stated are those who are NRI's outside India with these views. But then again, many other Indians tend to be more modernized even though they still keep their customs and culture intact. Kerala is somewhat getting there I believe but they still have that very traditional outlook like what you mentioned. And this why many abroad tend to not get along too well native Keralites unless there is strong understanding and acceptance on both sides.

@At Akshaye. You can't expect malayalees nor any other Indians to confide to give in to Holidays and Festivals that is not common in the area. Of course they would do only with what they are accustomed to, i.e Onam, Holi..etc, so don't hate them for that.

That said, there are a few things I like about Kerala. One thing is I noticed that if you watch things like Idea Star Singer (I don't really watch that much malayalam entertainment, only like Idea Star Singer, Akkara Kazzarackal, very few movies and film songs), is that Keralites on that show not only sing malayalam songs, but from other Indian languages like Hindi, Tamil, Telegu, English, etc. Shows that in some way they show their appreciation for ALL OF INDIA and the general Indianess rather than singing only malayalam. I do admire them for that. And as much as I love Hindi, and Tamil (I also seen few Telugu films, not many), whenever I watch shows like Chotte Ustaad, Star Voice of India..etc, they only sing in their language, but never from other parts. Not that it is a bad thing, but you know, would be kind of nice to hear them sing song from another Indian language. However there are a few exceptions like where Shreya Goshal sang a song from the malayalam movie "Anwar", great song, though the movie sucks. And besides that, I also do like the food, nature, the flowerly smell in some parts of Kerala and so forth. However, had the people there became less narrow-minded, superior acting..etc, I can assure it would be easier to enjoy the culture much more than many of us actually do.

Gayatri said...

"I don't think I'm a man, but i don't think I'm a lesser being because I'm a woman. I am treated equally and my opinions taken just as seriously as a man's. And most people in kerala (men and women included) don't like that"

Girl you've said. They think they are always right and could do no wrong. Even my own mom is like that :(. I stopped talking to her because of that and especially after since she can make me into a TRADITIONAL MALAYALEE girl who can do no wrong, doesn't like anything but malayalam entertainment, and only the culture, and "perfect" so that other people can be gossiped and put down. And probably encourage to gossip on others which I am not going to do. At least you don't have worry about them nosing in on what you wear and tell you to paint your toenails a week before a special occasion..I get that all the time! And what's worse is I get compared to 3 and 5 year old kids! I'm sure this comparisions will stop when these little malayalee kutties become not what they are expected of..HA!

I wanted to be a veternarian a long time ago because I love animals, but I was yelled at and had to do something else because it's not "what malayalees do" right on the doctor/engineer thing. So yes, if you are a real malayalee you must be a doctor, engineer or nurse..otherwise you're not worth anything. Disgusting.

I feel your pain, and I know why you hate mallu land because I hate it too, but now since I've encountered so much, I started hating it more. When I was younger I used to love it, but that changed when all these expectations were on top of me. I cannot be who I am or grow into someone unique, it's always "what malayalees do".

As J. said, so many kids of our generation hates our culture and the land because of the thinking and mentality of the people there. If they tried to understand, it would have been ok, but nope..we must be confined as a malayalee and behave as one. Therefore, I consider myself as "Indian" not malaylaee. Only malayaness I have is I speak the language and like the food, but I am not anything else. I hate talking with other malayalees because what you mentioned is bound to happen, well unless they are like me and feel the same way we do. I avoid them at all costs.

And the marriage issue, well, I will say if you marry in Kerala and not the typical malayalee, kiss goodbye to a happy life. Lots of experiences with that. Only exception is that if they understand you, accept you of who you are and your morals (and of course you have to do the same). But that's rare. Anyway, I have a boyfriend, nice and warm guy from rural Mumbai and we've been together for 6.5 years. We have discussed marriage and know the implications of it. We know each other well, our strengths and weaknesses and top of it, we learned when we had a problem how to resolve it in a way without causing too much of a burden. His parents know I am dating him, but my parents don't. My dad would be ok, but my mom, it will be interesting. And I will marry him no matter what is said.

deepak sasidharan said...

DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT KERALA....My name is deepak i am working as an engineer i have been ouver 6 countries abroad and almost 5 major states in india cause my father was an Army officer.......i have lived and came to know all the cultures about all other lands very well...BUT KERALA IS ONE OF THE BEST PLACE TO LIVE PEACEFULLY AND SECURELY LIKE THE BEST PLACE AFTER RETIREMENT...CALM STREETS, NO POLLUTION......and capital girl Shweta...wat u think the capital city Delhi is..its like living 10000 in one place..fuck shit....kerla is the best and will be

Sonia said...

Deepak Sasidharan: I am an engineer as well, and have traveled to 10 countries and over 12 states (and one Union Territory) in India.

Don't come with ridiculous distinctions that make you think you have the right to comment on others' opinions.

Anonymous said...

Sonia i am glad you spoke up.....i am studyin in chennai...have been to kerala once for an industrial visit...all i know of that place is through my friends...its very beautiful and green...but the people, esp the men suck...i have mallu guy friends in my college who never ever treat me like an equal...they are so biased towards women... they think all women have to do is cook/clean the house /tend the kids...the ones who have stayed in far off places since birth think a bit better, but they are also first order chauvinists...the problem is , as one guy very nicely stated above, the keralite women..they treat men like gods...i had a fight with my mallu roomie coz she told me "men are and will be superior" "women should do whatever men say to ensure marital happiness and harmony" and the most mind blowin statement " as a woman, what do you need? food,shelter and a few books can be given for recreation..what else do you want??? " i felt like slappin her then!! this was so 16th century!! we were good friends since first year but that day was the limit...she and the other mallu girls i was friends with echoed similar thoughts...the women in kerala NEED to change to change the men around them...their ego is fed by the women...

Krishna said...

Yea I understand what you are saying, but I feel "hate" is too strong a word. But what you say is somewhat true. I went to India recently and wore a sari for the first time, and felt it a good chance to learn how it works. There was a distant family friend who had helped me put on the sari since I was confused how it is properly worn. I learned, BUT I got a slamming from my mom since that same lady who helped me wear the sari ridiculed to my mom saying I don't know how to wear a sari! Errrr!! And then I get blamed for not taking interest, asking questions earlier on how it works or how they say, initiative, I didn't feel it was the right time to! I was annoyed, but that example definitely proves that mentality and behavior of malayalees. Like one poster said, they expect you to be perfect and like them...100% impossible. And still they act arrogant. I like malayalee culture, but there are times I very much resent it sometimes because part of the culture is being arrogant and behave like this "I'm better than you" trait, along with the gossip and backstabbing. However the current generation (well many of them) is not like the older generation thank god, and it's no wonder why so many keralites of our generation are dying to move out of Kerala. Who wants to be part of all that shit they present there? Plus there is no freedom of thought and if you express how feel about something to an elder, it'll end you smacked rather than discussing it out and finding ways to suit each's the PROPER WAY, not a beating! The rest of India has become modern and adapted new ways while still cherishing their culture and's still in the 1800's era.

Jeet said...

I have recently got tranfered to kerala...the day i landed i felt its somewhat different...people who r well conversent enough in other languanges too, wont speak in a common language...lack of social etiquate is a big problem...amagingly people have the time and will to interfer into your personal space too...i am also feeling it that every mallu pretends that he/she is the sobermost person have the higest consumption of liquior and have the bollywood of porn industry.....still i dont understand what makes you pretend to be so sober i dont understand that...u have the higest number of desperate housiwives whose middle/low class so called NRI husbands are earning some money abroad....still why???

Paritosh said...

Gods own country but god must be an NRI

Anonymous said...

well sonia..i do agree with some of ur plaints apart from the pub matter..i am a bangalore bred malayalee and i hardly visit kerala..But i love the state a lot for its simplicity and ability to retain its culture.Please do not make such posts which will hurt malayalees bcoz this happens in every state.In kerala,i agree that people are bothered about other family matters but they will always be there for u when u need help.You will not find that kind of a behaviour among your favourite delhi people.I am sure misbehaviour happens in delhi as well,then why targetting Kerala always.If u hate kerala,u dont have to visit it.

Anonymous said...

I am a keralite brought up in North and spent my college days in Bangalore.I am 32 and in this 32 years I had been to Kerala many a times and I have found that people are really interfering ,even if they dont cook anything in their house many want to know whats cooking in your home.
Men are really egoistic and I can just say its a mens world where women is not respected at all.You cant venture out after 6.00 PM.Else You will have to face consequences.
You should always remain silent in public when a man misbehaves with you else you will be blamed by keralite women also.They say that the girl herself is responsible for that.They do not like girls who are bold,smart and independent.They like girls who are shy,dependent on a man for everything and bear everything.

Divya said...

I wholly agree Sonia.

We malayalees get a very, and I MEAN very bad reputation from the rest of India and places abroad. Do you realize how incredibly poor the acceptance rate of outsiders is in Kerala? When living in Kerala I used to hear many talk about how outsiders are nothing but piece of trash, and this includes Non Resident Keralites as well. Just recently I met an American lady who lived in India for some time with her North Indian husband mentioned how once they visited Kerala and were treated as trash. What kind of culture is this where they won't accept any people who are not malayalee? Unbelievable! It's no wonder how many outsiders haven't heard of "Kerala" before. (some do know though)

I wasn't conciously aware of this all until I stepped out of Kerala out for the first time after marriage at 27. And I have to say that not only am I disgusted by what you mentioned here, them dictating your life, being critical and gossiping to get advantage, but the type of groupism they form in these so called malayalee communities is utterly sickening. There is a fair amount of malayalees living in Australia and a vast majority of them stab each other in the back. Cunningness is very common here and hence my husband nor I decided to break ties with them after so much hell they gave us on petty issues. Now we just stick friendship with North Indians and some Tamilians who are a bit open minded and understanding in some form.

I used to think the way malayalees treat each other and outsiders was normal, but once moving to Australia, I realized it's very uncalled and unappropriate. Thank god my parents and brother have realized this too and are very angry on that issue. Malayalees need to change their arrogant attitudes and chauvinism big time.

I don't understand how in the world these mallus get the chance to go outside when they don't have respect for anything or anyone besides their arrogant selves.

Also to include I think these are the reasons why my American born cousins were so withdrawn from a family outing in Kerala. I thought it was because they didn't like or suffered inferiority complex even though they could speak some malayalam and such. I didn't understand and wrongly judged them at the issue at, but now I totally understand because I found out that their parents are exactly the type of malayalees we are talking here and they had to suffer a lot. I asked them about this after my own personal experiences and they admitted it to me. I felt bad for them but we are very close.

And one more thing, we should not judge these things on every malayalee there. 80% of the things mentioned are true, but 20% of the people are pretty friendly and will understand. I'm one of the 20. Also my husband and I know it's best to raise our baby son outside now at least he will learn to respect other people and be open with everyone. I don't want him to be raised as a hypocrite. Before we thought of going back to Kerala first and then start and raise a family there, but now we have no desire to go back ever, but we would like to take our son to Kerala in some vacations so he knows about ancestors, but raising him there, no way now.

Sisir said...

This coming from a person who lives in Dubai. Dubai is one of the most uninteresting places I have ever been in.