Two Minds

I hate my job.
But it's steady money.

I feel brain dead.
If you quit, where would you go every morning?

I could look for another job.
What other job? It's not easy to get a job in Dubai.

I did it once, I can do it again.
But if you quit without having another job in hand, how long will you be able to survive without money?

I dunno. No more movies or long drives or shopping or going out at ALL I guess.
Yup!

But I hate working here. It's so frustrating to waste 8 hours of my life here everyday. not mentioning the 2 hours I spend in commute.
What makes you think that you'll get a job you like if you quit this one? How can you be sure that your next job won't be worse than this one?

Does that mean I shouldn't even try?
Try, but don't quit until you have something else in hand.

But I won't really start looking unless i have the fear of unemployment and possible dependency on Dad to push me.
Look at it this way: You could get fired anyday!

Where's the Appointments section?

Come again another day(like Friday)

It rained in dubai today and it SHOULDN'T have!
Dubai just can't handle rain.
It wasn't even heavy rain or anything.

Just nice, steady rhythmic rain.
The kind you want to listen to and fall asleep (and wake up) to. The kind you want to look at while you take your eyes off your book for a minute to take a sip of coffee.The kind of rain where you wanna walk hand-in-hand with Someone and get wet in.
That kind of rain. The kind I absolutely LOVE!
Of course, I couldn’t enjoy it cos I had to wake up and go to work. I woke up at 7, gave my friend a miss-call ( cos I'm his temporary alarm clock, otherwise he won't bother waking up and going to class!) and bec it was raining, I thought I might as well get up, cos the traffic ( which is horrible at the best of times) is gonna be pretty darn impassable today. I left the house with an hour to spare. The ride to office takes about 15-20 mins when there’s no traffic, and about half an hour if you’re experienced enough to deal with the traffic in Dubai roads (which I AM).

But like I said, Dubai has no idea what to do when it rains. The people drive way too fast (as always) and then when they hit the brakes, they skid and hit other cars and then there’s collision after collision and of course, MAJOR traffic jams.
I was just 5 mins on the road when I passed an accident where two land cruisers had collided head-on. The police were scratching their heads trying to figure out how a car that should be traveling in one direction (it’s a one-way road) managed to turn 180 degrees and hit the other car!

I got stuck half-way to the shindaga tunnel and heard (too late) on the radio that the tunnel was blocked cos of a 9-vehicle collision. So then I turned left, then right, and promptly got lost!
It didn’t matter anyway, cos the traffic was bad everywhere. People kept calling up the radio and advising everyone to just give up and go home!

I finally got to work an hour and a half late.
Things were stormier inside the office than outside! :o(

So as I was saying...
It rained in Dubai and it shouldn't have!

Fuck EVERYTHING!

150 AED - my parking fine.

Life's Good.

I used to have another blog. I had to close that one down, but I still have all the posts in draft.
That blog was written mostly when I was in India. I was reading through some of my posts then and I find a sense of humour in them which, I feel, is somehow sadly lacking in my posts now.
While before I used to post about everything, now I post only when I'm feeling low.

There is more to my life than constantly being depressed and worrying about dumb ex-boyfriends or my imminent marriage to God-knows-who you know!

In fact, my New Year's resolution was ( still is) to Do things I've never done before.

Which has worked very well!

I tried bowling (I'm becoming real good at it too!), and ice skating ( loads of fun!). I've made a new friend, gone out to loads of new places, eaten new things from new places, read loads of books ( currently reading Desperately Seeking Paradise and The Calvin and Hobbes 10th Anniversary Book) even bought a new cell phone, and done all sorts of things which in India, would have inspired me to write a dozen new posts at least.

But somehow, I never seem to blog about the funny things anymore. I only seem to whine and crib or cry in this blog! I'm going to have to change that! When I go through this blog, in most of the posts I come across ( to myself) as such a sad person!

I'm not really! Ask my friends! ( If any of my friends reading this disagree, shut up and DON'T comment!)

Just you wait! Life's good you know. And I'll tell you about it too!

Not for me

Ok, I can't do it. I thought I could, but really, I can't!
I tried. Can't do it.

I can't even bring myself to dress up in a sari and take a photo. Forget dressing up and getting married!

Arranged marriages are great maybe, but they're not for me.

I was plotting my escape before I even realised it.
I can go back to Delhi. I'm a smart, hard-working person and I have friends who can help me out. So I can get a job there. I'll leave.

I'm feeling so much better now that I've decided.
I'll tell them nicely to leave me alone as far as marriage is concerned.
If they don't listen, then I'll leave.

But I don't wanna leave really. Not yet.
I want to be with my sister for awhile.
I left when she was 10, and now she's 17. We've just begun to get to know each other and love each other again. I want to be there for her.

And I'm just beginning to discover a Dubai that I hadn't even known existed. I want to see more of that. I was living a protected life here, knowing nothing and consequently, learning nothing.
But now it's different, and I like it.

I will leave if I have to.
I just hope it doesn't come to that.

I miss...

I miss talking.
About me, and him, and Us, and Them.

I miss listening.
Listening to someone so that you understand them, understand the way they think, and feel.
Listening to them talking about their childhood, how they grew up to be who they are right now.

I miss feeling.
Feeling the warmth of a hug that comes from inside.
Feeling of belonging I used to feel when he used to hold me by the waist when we went for walks.

I miss... Love.

I've never made new year resolutions ( except when I was a kid and first found out what the word meant after reading Enid Blyton's Mr. Twiddle. At the time I had made some dumb ones just to show off!)

This year though, for the first time, I felt I needed to actively do something to change and make my life better.
What with the heart-break-all-over-again and no freedom and no friends and pretty pathetic life of the last year, I needed to do something drastic.

So I resolved...

To do things I've never done before.

So far, this resolution has gone pretty well.

I've gone bowling, which, believe it or not, I hadn't tried till now! LOADS of fun! threw a lot of gutter balls in the beginning, but I'm getting pretty good at it!

Then I tried ice-skating. Now I already knew how to roller-skate, so I didn't fall down or anything. But although I could easily skate from one end of the rink to the other, I had a bit of trouble stopping! When I wanted to stop, somehow I just kept going round and round in circles and felt like I was gonna fall . so then I flapped my arms around like a dumb chicken and finally hit the edge of the rink and stopped! Not exactly graceful, but whatever works right?!

My sister considers herself to be a more experienced ice-skater than me, having done it exactly ONE time more than me ( which makes it TWO times altogether!). So she kept advising me on how to skate. But I already knew how to skate, I wanted to know how to stop, and she said "Chech, in the end you'll stop anyway!"
Some teacher huh?
Anyway, this guy at the rink showed me how to stop, but I still haven't mastered the T thing just yet.

Also ate from loads of new places. Dome Cafe has crap cold coffee! Made me miss Barista in Delhi! But AWESOME blueberry cheesecake! It simply melts in your mouth! Each bite was like little of bursts of sunshiny-happiness!

Also had a sip of pina colada from Seville's which tasted quite good. But since I was driving and all, I just restricted myself to one sip! Settled for lip-smacking mocktail. But I don't remember the name, some weird spanish thing. Cheesecake was disappointing. Food was pretty good.

Also ate from The Rupee Room at the Dubai Marina. Crap food! definitely not worth the charges. Don't go there.

Watched a lot of movies too. Noteworthy among them being Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Constant Gardener. Constant Gardener is a must-see kinda movie. Depressing though.

Kiss -Band has a story is as weak as the tea I used to get at my college-hostel, but the screen play is cool and the jokes are really funny AND witty!
But kinda macabre. There was this one scene (won't tell you which one and spoil the fun) where everyone in the cinema hall went Eeeeaaaargh!

Also got myself a LOT of books.