Some guy is gonna come to "see"me today.
And there's nothing I can do about it other than refuse to serve him tea (or any other beverage).
I've had a million fights with my mum about this of course.
It's become a routine now, she starts talking about a guy who seems "marriage material" and I get irritated and then we're off.
" Ma will you please leave me alone. I can make my own decisions."
"You're not getting any younger, ALL of your friends are married and some even have kids. What about you? How do you plan on living by yourself? You'll be singled out, you'll be all alone. You can't live like that, what will I tell everyone else when they ask me why you're still single, it is unheard of in our family, I cannot bear to talk to anyone now, everyone is asking me why I'm not getting you married off... "
I'm a disgrace to my family. Being 25 and unmarried is the worst thing that could happen to a girl apprently.
Sigh!
I've explained it to her a million times already! I can't do this.
But she still nags, worries and keeps surfing matrimonial sites.
And now they want me to meet this guy tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO MEET ANYONE LIKE THIS!
I can't explain why, cos I know that a lot of people meet this way and get married and they're fine or whatever. But when anyone tries to set me up like this, it depresses me.
I know that "everyone else does it"and that "it's not such a big deal" but it IS a big deal for ME.
Cos this is not what I want. I'm not really sure what I want, but it's not this.
I'm feeling irritated, worried, angry, alone, and so damn depressed.
I need a break. I neeed to take a break off of all this and just get up and go somewhere where my parents won't keep nagging me like this. I need to clear my head a bit.
I think I'm gonna ask my boss for a week off and go to India and be with my friends.
Let's see.
16 comments:
Umm... It is a kind of custom :-(
Me too on your side. It is boring to see a girl in a such a situation.I like to meet her somewhere outside..most likely alone... or with our friends... as causal as possible.
Ouch...... feel for u yaar.... A stronger beverage later on is the only solution.... But u never know...could b love at first sight.. :)
Ok here is a suggestion. Throw away the the wrong Indian notion that all couples in the west meet in a bar/pub/(take your pick) and that arranged marriages are for losers. Having been in US for quite a while now, I have personally known many a couple who were introduced to each other by family/friends and met each other across a family table as complete strangers and then decided to know more about each other.
So there is nothing wrong in meeting a guy in front of your family. The smart thing to do would be go along with that but insist that you be allowed to meet this person in a public place in broad daylight and get to know more about this person before you make a final decision.
And hey, you still have the final say after all it is your marriage.
All the best!
hi sonia
hope u doing ok..
this is something that all girls have to live thru...and that is a fact that u cannot escape...
All the best.
:)
KJ
Wonder how the guy's feeling about this.
yasj: i hear ya!
indianpeppone: well it wasn't.
ullas: the main difference in that kinda meeting set up in the US is that the couple is left alone, and no one sits and listens to everything being said. and they meet if they want to later on, unlike in our custom, where you are "allowed" to meet only if you get engaged. you cannot meet a few times as friends and then just decide to not see each other if you don't think it'll work out. there is a lot of pressure in the situation cos thye make you meet the guy only after the horoscopes, family "status"and the rest of it matches.
KJ: i'm fine now. cos it's over.
Rhyncus: he probably couldn't care less.
it really all depends on what you're looking for from marriage, doesn't it? just a thought.
Couldnt agree more with Ullas..i am sure you can get your folks to allow you to meet the guys a few times somewhere else before you both finally say YES
Hmm, tough situation to be in. Hope it worked out fine for you.
Won't give you any suggestion or advice b'cos mine would be categorised as the militant approach. But, what the hell, if it's a question of one's entire life, nothing else will do. But, like I said, I shall keep the suggestion to myself :-)
However, I wish people would understand that marriage has nothing to do with age...one must feel like getting married. I find the notion of geting to know a person after marriage very hard to digest. It has to be the other way round.
Anyway, best of luck and hope it works out the way you want it to.
You know that is exactly what is happening to me...Anyway, comee child. India beckons. Let's see we'll find a hunk for this 25-year-'old';0)
And do not get depressed. Am speaking from experience. Just pop a few chocolates. Everything works out fine at the end (at least that's how I try to console myself)...
Go placidly among the noise and haste
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for there will always be greater or lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans,
keep interested in your own career, however humble.
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery,
but let this not blind you to what virtue there is.
Many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself, especially do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the council of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortunes,
but do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.
You have a right to be here, and whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with your God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labor and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life.
Keep peace with your soul, with all the sham drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful, strive to be happy.
Thats not me - thats max ehrmanns desiderata...hope it helps! ;-)
Hey! Hows you? Still surviving?
So how did it go -the meeting? Don't hesitate to tell us if you like the guy!! ;-) Jokes apart-it can happen...take it easy sweetheart..I actually thought that by now u must have started enjoying all this..no point in taking so much load-take it easy! And pls dont come down heavily on me for makin this suggestion :-)
You know what your folks are living in another age. I live in Mumbai and have a close group of 6 friends and ranging from the ages of 25 (i am also 25) to 28 . We are also from different communities, Catholic,sindhi, gujju,punjabi and parsi. In India now things are really cool. The eldest in our group whose a gujju is going to meet boys ( because she wants too) but she meets them alone at a coffee shop or something. And yah our parents do nag us sometimes but the whole decision to see a person has been left to us .......and none of us have........lol So chill!
Chrissynb: Read my post on "Family Ties" and lemme know what you think of the parents mentioned there!
Post a Comment