Saturday, May 01, 2010

It is what it is. But what is it?

I got back from Kerala yesterday.
My treatment went well, but it's going to be a while before I'm completely alright.
The vaidhyan told me that two of my chakras were blocked.
Now if you're the kind who doesn't believe in stuff like that, then read no further.
But he helped me a lot. And it makes sense to me.
The exercises the vaidhyan asked me to do are simple. The pain has reduced a lot and I've joined yoga classes here. My teacher is very good, understands my condition and gives me special attention during classes.
I will have to continue exercising. And I'm going to make some simple changes in my lifestyle that should make things better for my health. Stuff like the early to bed, early to rise least on weekdays!

I've only been gone two weeks, but I feel like I've been gone a long time. I met with the gang last night, and it was fun. But then I found out that one couple might be moving to Hong Kong.
Which depressed me a lot.
I realized that nothing was happening in my life.

Back in India, everyone is super excited (except for my parents of course) about an upcoming wedding in September. The official engagement just happened in the UK and everyone's asking me to fly down to India for the wedding. My parents are upset about going for the wedding cos everyone is going to ask about me and my still-single status. Again!

While I was in Kerala, I met with a classmate of mine who's just given birth to her second child. A friend of mine in dxb announced she's pregnant last month.

I'm happy for all these people. Even for the couple who might be moving to Hong Kong (it's a good job opportunity apparently).
But the thing is... I feel like everyone's moving on but me. I'm still working a job I hate. I'm desperate for a new job but nothing good's coming my way! (I did get an offer with the competition, but the money wasn't good. And the other job was in Canada! Call me crazy, but I don't wanna move into sasquatch-country and be snowed in for most of the year!)
My love-life is dead. I've even gotten to the point that I just don't care anymore. In fact, when mum was lecturing me about it in India (oh yeah! She gave me the "marriage lecture" the night before I had to leave for dxb), I told her to go ahead with the whole arranged marriage thing.
I'm fed up. I'm done with having to fight for something I'm not even sure exists anymore.

So yeah, that's where I'm at.
I'm not sure if I'll figure it all out Later. I'm not sure if I'll come back here in 5 years and smile and the person that I used to be.
I don't know.
And I'm just fed-up with not knowing.


Perakath said...

I know just what you mean about your love life. Part of me is waiting to get old enough to just get married off.

Utopia said...

Oh Gawd I sooooooo know what you mean. I soooo do. I just keep waiting for the time Mum is gonna let me be. I don't know if tis good or bad but I believe it is happening with every single person I know but me. I am just stuck as always.